Oh, Mr. Porter! Page #5

---

- 10 minutes but it won't stop.

- It will!

- It only stops at important stations.

In future, this will be an important

station. It's going to stop today.

Well, I... Don't just sit there.

There's a train coming!

Tidy up the place a bit! Go on.

- Get those things off the line.

- It ain't a thing. It's a melon.

- Take the washing down.

- It's not dry.

We're a station, not a laundry!

You'll cop it for stopping a train

for no reason.

I'm stationmaster!

If I want a train to stop, it stops!

The gate! Where's the wheel

that opens that gate?

- Is the gate opening?

- No.

- Opening now?

- No.

- I've turned this wheel four times.

- That wheel don't work.

- You mean I've broken my back...

- You have to open it by hand.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Albert, come and undo this padlock.

- We lost the key.

- How do you open it?

- You lift it off the hinges.

- Oh...

You go and open the other one.

Oh, the signal.

'Ere! 'Ere, 'ere! Easy with my tomatoes.

What do you think this is?

Kew Gardens?

- I brought these up by hand.

- Well, they're coming down by foot.

- Put that back!

- Leave me alone!

- What do you make o' that at all?

- It's a distress signal.

Whoa, laddie.

What are you stopping my train for?

- I'm the new stationmaster.

- What about it?

- I thought we'd make acquaintance.

- What?!

I don't want my train held up every time

some dirty little halt changes staff.

- Don't say that about my station!

- Station? It's a dump.

- No decent train'd stop here.

- They're going to!

Dirty indeed! It's as clean as your train.

- Take your hands off my train!

- Take your feet off my platform.

- Can't you move up a bit?

- No.

- Can't you move up a couple of yards?

- Go away.

- A couple of inches, then?

- What's the trouble?

Look at my pants!

They're as dirty as when he took 'em off.

- Right away.

- Wait!

You can't tell him that.

I'm the stationmaster!

- All aboard for Ballyhooley, Ballykelly...

- Go on.

Stay there. When I'm ready. All aboard

for Ballybuggle...and other bally places.

- You don't know where it goes.

- I wash my hands of it after here.

All right, push off.

He goes when I say. Go ahead.

- I don't want any impertinence from you.

- You big floppy misfit. Get a proper hat.

What does he mean, a proper hat?

Your station smells like a dustbin.

It isn't even on the map.

- You guard, you!

- Black thief!

Four-eyes! And you mind you stop here

next time or there'll be trouble!

Huh!

Not on the map indeed.

Sauce!

Oh, well.

Maybe it could do with a coat of paint.

Hey! You knocked those up?

- No, they got out at the wrong station.

- Oh, all right.

Well, don't stand there! Shell some peas.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes