Oh, Mr. Porter! Page #4

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- Who'll tell him?

- You're the stationmaster.

That's not my duty. A man comes back

for his pigs and what does he find?

- Finds you've eaten them.

- How was I to know?!

- Somebody better tell him.

- Well, I'll tell him.

I shall report this to the company.

Disgraceful. Sitting there like

a pair of pigs eating... You're cannibals!

- Er, good morning.

- There you are.

- How can I help you, Mr...

- Murphy and I wants me pigs.

Have you got your voucher?

Are you sure you left them here?

Of course I am! Let's have 'em.

They've been here a while.

You should have come sooner.

It's been cold and pigs are only human.

- My wife had quins.

- Like that woman in Canada?

Have you got two pigs o' mine or not?

Well, as a matter of fact, I...

I won't keep you a moment.

- What, here? Alive?

- Yes.

Where are they?

I thought you said we'd eaten them.

Would you come and identify

your property, Mr Murphy?

There you are.

It says two here. Whose is the other one?

- Him. There were six.

- Ah, yeah...

Let me congratulate you. Your pigs

have had a visit from the stock.

Seems they've had one from

the butcher too. Where's the rest?

- The litter?

- Oh, we'll clear it up.

- I mean the little pigs.

- Oh, this?

But you don't call one a litter, do you?

- Patsy-Jane farrows at least seven.

- She can't keep it up all the time.

- I wants my property.

- Take it. Two pigs, it says.

- And my litter. 'Tis the law of nature.

- But not of the railway.

What doesn't go in, can't come out...

What you don't put in, you can't take out.

See for yourself.

''The company is liable...

in the aggregate...

''negligence...more than...

if it's left on the premises.''

You see. You left two pigs.

Plain as a pigstaff.

- I'll sue the company.

- I'm sorry but rules are rules.

I'm acting within the litter...

the letter of the law.

I'll settle with you!

- Well, you can settle this bill.

- Bill? What for?

- For the keep of two pigs, 15 shillings.

- What?!

But I'll take the small pig in settlement.

So you not only steal me pigs,

you charge me 15 shillings for it!

You can't break company rules.

I will break

something belonging to the company...

Hello?

- Has he gone?

- No.

This is the station.

What can I do for you?

What's that? A fire? Where?

- At the farm?

- Whose farm?

- Good gracious.

- What are you on about?

What? The haystack's gone?

And the barns?

- Whose barns?

- Oh, dear. And the house?!

- Whose house?

- Yours!

How's Mrs Murphy and the quins?

Here, what was all that about?

Never you mind. You send

those pigs back to Murphy's farm.

If you see a stork, throw something at it.

- What's that?

- Oh, the express.

- A train?! When?

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