Mystery Men Page #5

SHOVELER:

The camera loves him.

A depressed silence. Furious turns his attention to the napkin

dispenser.

FURIOUS:

(furious)

Why do they always fill stuff these things so

full you can't pull 'em out without ripping

'em!

(rips one out)

RAJA:

I lost another fork tonight. She's getting

suspicious, I know it.

FURIOUS:

So why don't you just tell her!

RAJA:

I can't.

FURIOUS:

Why not?

RAJA:

(upset)

Because I can't! Okay? She wouldn't

understand!

SHOVELER:

Leave him alone. She's his mother, not yours.

FURIOUS:

We had an off night, that's all.

SHOVELER:

So when are we gonna have an on night?

A WAITRESS is standing at the table.

WAITRESS:

Hi.

They look at her, taken aback. She's very pretty.

RAJA:

You're... new.

WAITRESS:

It's my first night. My name's Monica.

CLOSE ON FURIOUS, smitten by her, but almost afraid to look at her.

Under all that rage, he's in fact shy.

MONICA:

You guys going to a costume party?

RAJA:

We're superheroes.

MONICA:

Really? Like Captain Amazing?

Furious growls.

MONICA:

Are you famous?

RAJA:

Not yet.

MONICA:

So you're like... struggling superheroes?

RAJA:

We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I

am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware...

(does a very impressive

little flipping thing with

his place setting)

MONICA:

Wow.

RAJA:

And these are my associatiates, the Shoveler.

SHOVELER:

Hi.

RAJA:

And Mister Furious... His anger is his power.

MONICA:

(intrigued by Furious)

Really?

RAJA:

Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or

a great skill. In his case, it's entirely

emotional.

MONICA:

So what can I get you?

RAJA:

Burgers all around.

(meaning himself)

Medium.

(meaning the Shoveler)

Rare.

(meaning Furious}

Raw.

A moment later as Monica walks away, Furious can't help but

watch her. The Raja replaces the diner's dinnerware with the good

stuff from his coat.

RAJA:

She likes you.

SHOVELER:

Definitely.

RAJA:

Ask her out.

FURIOUS:

Nah.

RAJA:

Roy, when was the last time you had an actual

date?

FURIOUS:

(getting very pissed off)

What does it matter? Women just want to

control you--and talk about their feelings.

They want to know why you're angry all the

time--and what can they can do to help--so you

tell them there's nothing--nothing--just leave

me alone--but they bug you and they bug you and

they bug you--until you just can't stand it

anymore!--so you finally open up--you pop like

a blister--and it all comes spewing out--all

your emotions--your feelings--your fears--all

of it!

(after a beat)

And then they dump you.

RAJA:

So you're chicken?

FURIOUS:

(fiercely)

Who's chicken?

(gets up)

Monica stands at the counter placing her order. Furious approaches

her, leans against the counter. For a moment he just stands there,

fuming, unable to think of anything to say. She isn't sure what to make

of this.

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