My Friend Irma Goes West Page #4

But you could never fool me

With your foolery, your jewelry

All I can say

- Give me the stars

- Give me the road

The wide winding highway

That's where I

Travel along

singing a vagabond song

Here you are,

12 cans of Non-Twist Spaghetti.

Twelve cans of spaghetti?

What are you kicking about?

The headliners last week only got six,

and without the meat sauce.

You know, television is not in a position

to pay off money.

Television is in its birth.

I got some news for you.

I don't want to be a midwife.

Fine manager you are.

We did better at the orange juice stand.

Sorry. We pay off in spaghetti.

Would you be good enough

to open up a can?

I'd like to pour some in my wallet,

so I can see I was working this week.

Fine thing.

Will speak to the government about this

next time I pick up my unemployment check.

You know what Steve probably got

for singing tonight?

- What?

- Probably got $1,000.

What would Al get then?

Let's see. Al is Steve's agent,

so he gets 10%, which is $100.

But knowing Al,

he'll probably come home with $150.

$150?

Jane, it only costs $2

for a marriage license.

Do you realize that Al and I

can get married 75 times?

Honey, you're looking at a girl

who wants to be married just once.

Yes, just once.

And now with Steve in television...

I've got a boy

who can really bring home the groceries.

Groceries? Don't you think

I'd better start the dinner?

Honey, there aren't that many ambulances

in the city.

Now what is it?

You don't have any confidence in me.

- Why?

- Why? Very easy.

You remember what happened

the last time you cooked?

The recipe called for sherry,

and what did you do?

I put in shellac. But now it's different.

Now we got a pressure cooker.

Even an idiot couldn't make a mistake.

That remark gets my sporting blood up.

Look, there's a duck in the icebox.

Now, why don't you see if you can cook it

in the pressure cooker?

Jane, when I get finished cooking this duck,

you won't know what hit you.

Monsieur?

I didn't have the chance to tell you

how much I enjoyed you.

Well, thank you.

I think you have a wonderful voice.

Lady, where you looking for the vocal cords?

Where you looking for the...

Steve, you were wonderful.

I can't say "au revoir"

like some people do...

and I won't kiss you on both cheeks...

but this should tell you in good

American language how proud I am of you.

Where should I put this stuff?

Who cares where you put it?

Tell me, Steve,

how much did you get for tonight?

That's what we got, 12 cans of spaghetti.

Spaghetti?

Take it easy, Jane. Don't blow your top.

I am just as disappointed as you are.

- You mean Steve got paid off in spaghetti?

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