Mrs In-Betweeny Page #5

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- Okay.

- Okay?

So, is mother still working

in that charity shop?

Nicking all the best stuff and fobbing

the rest off as designer gear?

Nothing ever changes round here.

Brendan?

Emma...

Could you make her, well...not too

lesbian-ish, if you know what I mean?

Quite like to have some fun myself.

Bye, guys.

- Sh*t! What?

- I've been giving it a lot of thought,

and I really think you should

dump Ryan, darling.

- What?

- Sleep with him by all means.

You're far too young to be

in a serious relationship.

Your grandfather and I

hardly ever did it.

But now he's buggered off, I can't stop

thinking about it. How strange.

You're 15, you should be

enjoying yourself.

Gran...

- Give Brendan a message.

- Oh, God.

He needs to apologize

after all the grief he's caused.

Tell him to call me

at the shop this afternoon.

Not tonight though, eh? Pilates.

I really do have to go.

I'll tell you what, why don't I book you

an appointment at the family planning?

Get a coil fitted or something.

It's been ages since we did

something fun together!

I don't want an appointment

at the family f***ing planning!

- You all right?

- Yeah...

How are we doing in there?

Oh, you look divine!

Of course you're lucky.

You've got the figure for it.

Turn round.

It's a tad expensive.

Genuine Armani is, dear.

Still a hell of a lot cheaper

than the high street.

There, that's better.

You really think... I look okay?

You look stunning, dear.

Oh, I've got just the thing, wait there!

Came in yesterday,

just suit a woman like you, not that

there's many of us left around here.

More wogs than wags,

if you know what I mean...

Some people!

'Hope you're gonna like it.

3,2,1, surprise! Yeah!

- Everybody ready?

- Yes.

Blow 'em out.

You hungry?

You have no new messages.

Okay. Just do it.

- Do it?

- Ground me, hit me, whatever,

just get it over and done with.

This about that whole

boyfriend thing again?

Ryan wasn't it? Unless of course

you're onto someone else by now.

Was over 20 hours ago after all.

You're supposed to care

about my well-being.

- Wrong.

- What?

I'm your guardian, not your nursemaid.

You sh*t yourself, you clean it up!

That's not fair!

We don't know each other.

Haven't spoken since you were 10.

You want that sort of commitment,

you gotta earn it. If you want to behave

like a slapper then, hey,

who am I to stand in your way?

D! I got a D!

English never was my strong suit.

Geography on the other hand...

Why didn't you tell me

you were shite at English?

You didn't ask me.

No, you just assumed that.

A, because we're related

I'd be delighted to cheat

for you, and B,

that I know all there is to know

about creative writing which,

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