Mr. Troop Mom Page #4

would like to see you in her office, okay?

Okay. You know what?

Tell her she doesn't have to call me.

Just rub a couple twigs together,

I'll just pick up the sound.

Right.

Okay.

- Wanna know my Indian name?

- The tent, Eddie.

- Focus on the tent.

- It's Dances With Squirrels.

I just grab their little:

Oh, my God.

- I call top bunk.

Paulina, I'm on the bottom.

- Where's my eyeliner?

God, that doesn't go there.

What a...?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Wow.

- Teeth look really sharp.

- Do not touch.

Sorry.

Flatlander.

Softy.

Slacker.

It's my job to know the enemy.

Know the enemy, what?

Hey, how did you get ahold of my stuff?

Nose clippers, hair gel,

world's loudest cell phone.

Unauthorized.

- Who sent you?

- What?

You from OSHA?

I think there's been kind

of a misunderstanding. I...

Sneak attack, huh? Sending a man in?

A whole dad thing?

Very good cover story.

So OSHA wants to make sure

my camp is up to snuff.

Look, I'm not from OSHA.

You a lawyer?

Because I can smell a lawyer.

I'm a lawyer. But I'm not from...

My camp is always blue-ribbon ready,

Mr. Serrano.

I pride myself on clean barracks, good

chow and plenty of fresh air and exercise.

- Wow, lady, look...

- Miss Hulka.

Miss Hulka, I'm having some issues

with my daughter, Naomi.

That's the only reason I'm here.

- How much do you weigh?

- I'm sorry?

Maybe 200? No, more like 195.

Lightweight.

But then we both know that, don't we?

- Don't we?

- Yes, sir.

- Sergeant Commander Hulka.

- Your uniform.

It's to be worn at all times.

Whatever your ulterior motives,

Mr. Serrano...

...I guarantee

that when you leave my mountain...

...you will be a changed man.

I'm starting to feel the change already.

So I'll just collect my stuff...

Oh, okay. Another time.

This ain't gonna happen.

I wanna win so bad this year, Sam.

But if we have my dad...

If it weren't for your dad,

we wouldn't even be here.

- Snap out of it, Naomi. He'll be fine.

- Did you see him try to pitch his tent?

- Pathetic.

- But really funny.

Oh, my gosh, what's that smell?

What's that smell?

What's that terrible smell? Oh, it's Skyler.

Funny, Sam.

Not very age appropriate, but funny.

- Bumble Bees?

- More like Fumble Bees.

That is so funny.

Look at me, I'm dying inside.

Come on, we can do this.

Killer Bees rule.

Yeah. Killer Bees rule.

Come on. It's a little hike, fresh air.

- A little exercise, it'll do you good.

- Nope.

What do you mean "no"? They just need

a mom for a couple of hours.

- Besides, I got a lot of work I gotta do.

- You the king bee, buzz off.

That's funny. King bee, get it, get it?

- If I was a bee, I'd sting you in your neck.

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