Meet The Spartans Page #3

(excited grunting)

Oh. Oh, Oxy 10.

Oh, Neutrogena.

This has an SPF.

Th-This is all-day protection.

Look at this.

Exfoliator with alpha hydroxy.

This is good for you, Glenn.

Rub it all over

your disgusting face.

What need you, King Leonidas?

Ancient prophets...

I need your guidance.

I'm assembling an army

of 300 to go to war with Persia.

I'm going to take them in the rear.

Here, here.

(snickers)

And then I'm gonna reach around...

(chuckles)

...and I'm gonna take them again

from the front!

(snickering)

What?!

Why are you sniggering?!

Nothing.

It's- no-nothing-

- (clears throat)

- (snickering continues)

What's so damn funny?!

Look, it's all there for you to see!

These are battle formations!

(chuckling):
Battle form-

That's what he calls them!

It looks like backstage

at an Elton John concert!

Cut it out!

This isn't funny!

This is serious business!

(moans)

No Spartan goes to war...

without first consulting...

the oracle!

(ethereal, ominous music plays)

NARRATOR:

The prophets chose only the most beautiful...

of Spartan girls to be their oracle.

Oh-

Ugly Betty?

She has a great personality.

##

Eww!

I look like Jabba the Hutt.

That is hot to me.

(sneezing)

(exotic techno melody playing)

(slurping)

Oh-

(whispering):
See-nah skah-nah...

labwana no-cho dame.

"Fo' shizel my nizzel."

(indistinct whispering)

"Save the cheerleader...

save the world."

Actually, I'm, I'm not into Heroes.

"Douche bag says what?"

What?

(snickering)

(prophets snickering)

(whispering indistinctly)

"Chest waxer says what?"

- What?

- (snickering)

(chortling)

(chuckling):

He walked into that one.

What, what are you saying to me?

I don't understand.

Go to war with Persia

and you will surely die.

You're screwed, dude.

(exotic, ethereal theme plays)

(women laughing)

What?!

(laughter continuing)

He looks like a Ken doll!

(laughter continues)

It's cold!

Tommy Lee?

Shaq?

Borat?

(whispering):
Oakland Raiders?

Why is my king so restless?

Can't sleep.

It's this whole Battle

of Thermopylae thing.

Are you still thinking about

what that young oracle said?

(sighs)

There's only one woman whose

words you should listen to.

Oprah.

Your wife?

Right, right.

How will I be tried...

in the court of public opinion?

Well, Harry Knowles

at "Ain't It Cool News"...

says this movie is just

a cheap rip-off of 300.

(woman laughing)

- (grunts)

- (other women gasp)

Even if the oracle

doesn't support you, I do.

And Sparta does.

This could be

our last night together.

You wanna do it?

Like we've never done it before.

(exhales)

(passionate, breathy moaning)

(sighs)

...97... 98...

...99...

(grunting):
100!

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