Lower Learning Page #5

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When will I get b*obs?

When you can afford them.

Mrs. Buchwald, aren't you gonna

at least try to teach us something?

Does it really matter, Frankie?

I mean, this ain't Rutgers, okay?

It's the second grade.

The only thing I remember

from second grade

is my hymen breaking

during a tetherball game.

Maybe if you'd paid more attention

your life wouldn't have turned out

to be such total garbage.

All right, that's it.

That's the ballgame.

Your choice... you can either

go to the principal's office

or I'll handcuff you

to Smelly Alice again.

Just because you're miserable

doesn't mean the rest of us

have to be too.

What a sad old sack you've become,

Laura Buchwald.

Look around you, Tom.

This isn't a Del Taco shutting down.

It's a school.

It's an incubator

for the youth of America.

Whatever happened to respect

for your goddamn elders?

She just went

through a tough divorce.

Laura:
B*tch!

Well, thanks for the pep talk,

Rebecca,

but sometimes you've just got

to flush the baby down

with all the other crap

in the toilet, you know?

Wanna...?

- It's Harper. Leave a message.

- (beep)

Hey, Harper, it's Maurice.

Hey, man about earlier...

I'm like...

I don't even know

what I was thinking.

Honestly,

I don't ever

like beer, so...

I mean, so yeah.

Well, you know, I just wanted

to get that off my chest.

So I think we're good.

I think we're square.

So call me back.

Or don't. You don't have to.

You don't even have to

call me back, 'cause we're good.

Cool.

Coolio. Holla.

(kids cheering)

Oh, sh*t.

Look at her go.

- (bell ringing)

- All right, all right.

(whistling a tune)

(ticking)

- (bell ringing)

- Recess!

Recess.

Not again.

Hey, that punk didn't pay you

for your smack.

Dang!

(clicks tongue)

I'm gonna blow his brains out.

Pow pow pow!

What the hell are they doing?

Oh, just playing a little drive-by.

(boys imitate

screeching brakes)

They took all the rock-climbing walls

after the lawsuit, so...

And you're okay with all this?

The school's getting

shut down anyway, right?

Remember when we had

kick-boxing in fourth grade

and that douche bag Matt Bonner

beat the crap out of me?

It was you that said,

"Nothing is impossible.

Go down fighting."

I still have that weird click

in my knee from when he took me out,

but you were right...

in theory or something.

The point is, Tom,

don't give up on these kids.

Sorry, is that...?

Pain pills.

I have back problems.

And the...?

It's whiskey, Tom. I have to

wash it down with something.

What, is this Nuremberg?

It's not like I'm rendering fat of Jews

to make soap and candles.

So?

Okay, fine.

If it'll make you happy

I'll go speak with the faculty.

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