Lower Learning Page #4

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in there.

You got anything

you want to let out there?

No? Okay.

All right, Rinaldo, listen up, okay?

It's make-or-break time for you.

It is not just about this match.

This is about your manhood, okay?

This is Live 101.

If you let a girl beat you now,

they will keep beating you

until your prostate is swollen

to the size of a pine cone

in some Chinamen-owned Wal-Mart.

Is that what you want?

You know what? Do you want

to end up like me and Mrs. Buchwald?

You want to end up eating broccoli

and cheddar hot pockets

every morning for breakfast?

No, you do not want...

that's a negatory, Rinaldo Retanovich.

You do not want that.

Now I want you to get out there

and you punch that girl, okay?

I want you to punch her

right in her happiness, all right?

Get up there.

All right, ring it.

Shut us down?

But why?

Tom, I mean,

where do I begin?

Well, yeah, but...

Oh, you want one?

Oh, no no. It's just...

have you always smoked?

What is this, Salem?

Oh, no no, it's just I...

Gonna have yourself

a little witch hunt?

No, not at all.

Not at all.

Look, Tom, everybody knows

that your school has

the lowest scores in the state.

Huh-uh.

What about Petersburg Prep?

Their scores are lower than ours.

And everyone knows

about their heroin problem.

Those clouds are laughing at me.

Tie me off, bro.

I'm sorry, Tom.

I think my inspection

is just some sort of formality.

Perfect.

I don't know anymore.

I just wish God or whoever

would give me

some sort of sign,

show me what to do

with my life.

Wow.

You know what, though?

It all makes sense.

This is the story of my life.

I mean, in third grade

I wanted to be an astronaut

and then the Challenger

blew up.

You'll be fine.

You have a backup career, right?

This was my second backup career.

I've just got

to finally face it.

I'm finished.

Jesus, Tom,

snap out of it.

You used to be, like,

the world's biggest optimist.

Yeah, well, I've figured out

that the world

has got most of us by the balls.

All we can do is try and keep

our shrieking to a minimum.

So turn it around.

You take the world

by the balls for a change.

The world is just

one giant hairy ball.

It's so unmanageable.

Look, the district's closing

the school today

and something doesn't smell right.

It's the gravy.

No, it's Billings.

He's got something up his sleeve.

Alas, Pangaea was no more.

So take cover as continental drift

continues to shake things up

all around the world.

In conclusion, I hope

that you have all found

the phenomenon

of plate tectonics

very moving.

Wow, that was really great, Otis.

I didn't assign it but, you know,

that was spectacular.

Yes, Sarah.

Joanne McVickers has b*obs.

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