Love at First Bite Page #4

Come back, black chicken!

Give us an egg or something.

Yesterday, dinosaurs...

and then elephants, and now, bats.

Well, why not?

Hi there, little fellow.

Are you all right, master?

No, I'm not all right.

What was that maniac drinking?

Tastes like the Volga river at low tide.

Let me help you out, master.

You'll be all right in a moment.

No, Renfield, I'm finished. I'm through.

I couldn't even scare

a field mouse at 20 meters.

In a city where...

taxicab drivers live in little cages,

who's afraid of a bat anymore?

Here, let me help you.

I'm not even a bat. I'm a black chicken.

I'm a yenta with skinny legs.

Take your hands off me, you myopic dwarf.

Renfield, I am finished.

Over, I'm a has-been. O-V-E-R.

But master, you are Dracula, son of Dracul.

You've been the reigning

Prince of Darkness...

for over 700 glorious years.

700 lonely years, Renfield.

Lonely, master?

But I thought you were happy living...

I mean, dying...

I mean, existing all those years.

I thought you were having fun.

Fun?

How would you like to go around...

dressed like a headwaiter

for the last 700 years.

Just once, I'd like to go to dinner...

dressed in a turtleneck and a sports jacket.

Happy?

How would you like to dine on nothing

but a warm liquid protein diet...

while all around you, people are eating...

lamb chops...

potato chips...

Mallomars.

Chivas Regal on the rocks with a twist.

How would you like

to not have Christmas presents.

Easter egg hunts.

Garlic toast.

No, Renfield...

help me back in the coffin.

I'm not going out tonight...

- or any other night.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

Oh, yes, I am what, you idiot?

Going out tonight, master.

What is that? Another little bug?

This is where she is tonight.

This is where she is every night.

You got this from the head

of the modeling agency, didn't you?

I got this from her secretary, when

I showed up at noon with my lunch pail.

Another snake, Renfield?

No, master.

A scorpion, perhaps?

No, better, master.

What could be better

than a scorpion, Renfield?

Six black widow spiders...

twelve fat earthworms...

two hairy caterpillars...

on rye bread with a slice of onion.

A triple-decker!

Was it something I said, master?

Are you a member?

I'm looking for somebody.

Aren't we all?

I'm telling you, Lisa,

he did a complete dump on her.

Good evening.

- Permit me to...

- No, thank you. I already ordered.

She put him through four years

of medical school...

two years of residency,

and a year of internship...

and now he won't even take her calls.

I tell you, my way's better.

You meet him, dig him...

you ball him once

and then adios, muchacho.

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