Louis C.K.: Shameless Page #4

Synopsis: Comedy and television star Louis C.K. returns to HBO for an hour of no-holds-barred, adults-only stand-up comedy! Taped before a live audience at the Henry Fonda Theater in Los Angeles, the performance finds Louis taking aim at fat and skinny people, spending money, bumper stickers, Californians, strangers and friends, sex and marriage, lying to your spouse, losing your privacy, and the new favorite pastime for fathers.
Genre: Comedy, Documentary
Director(s): Steven J. Santos
Actors: Louis C.K.
 
IMDB:
8.7
  Louis C.K.: Shameless Movie Quotes »
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TV-MA
Year:
2007
56 min
558 Views

HIM DOWN, AND I WILL SHI DIRECTLY INTO HIS F***ING

TIME-WASTING MOUTH."

- BUT ANYWAY, YEAH,

SO I WAS IN THE COFFEE PLACE,

UH, WITH THE YOUNG PEOPLE.

AND THEY'RE-

"OOH, HEH, HEH, HEH,"

AND I'M STANDING IN THE DOORWAY

JUST FANTASIZING ABOU WALKING AROUND JUST HITTING

THEIR CUPS TO THE FLOOR,

LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW.

BAGEL, AND COFFEE...

AND BAGEL...

HA HA HA.

AND I SEE THIS GUY,

HE'S LIKE 20 YEARS OLD,

AND HE HAS:

THE "AWESOME POSSUM" SHIRT.

JUST LIKE MINE!

SO, I WENT LIKE THIS,

I WENT, LIKE,

"HEY, NICE SHIRT."

AND HE WENT, "PFFF."

AND HE WALKED AWAY,

LIKE I'M A PIECE OF SH*T.

AND I STOOD THERE,

AND I WAS SO MAD,

I JUST THOUGHT,

"F*** HIM, MAN.

WE HAVE THE SAME SHIRT!"

IT'S AN UNUSUAL SHIRT.

IT'S PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE

TO F***ING DO THIS SH*T.

- WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE ME

FEEL LIKE AN OLD FAG

JUST 'CAUSE I WAN TO MAKE A CONNECTION

WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

IS HIS GENERATION

JUST TOO COOL AND IRONIC,

"EH, OOH, THAT'S LAME.

THE OLDER GUY WANTED TO-

OOH, HEH, EH."

F***ING YOUNG C*NT,

I HOPE HE DIES.

LIKE, THAT'S HOW-THAT'S

HOW MAD I WAS.

- AND AS I'M STANDING THERE,

LIKE, IN THAT ANGER,

I LOOK DOWN AND I REALIZE

I'M NOT WEARING THE SHIRT,

I DON'T HAVE IT-

HA HA HA HA.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGH I DID, I JUST-

I SAW HIS, AND-

"DUH, ME TOO, DUH!

DUH!"

HEY, THIS IS INTERESTING.

THE OTHER DAY,

A GUY TOLD ME:

TO SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS.

THAT WAS INTERESTING.

I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.

TOTAL STRANGER TOLD ME

TO SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS.

A WHOLE BAG OF THEM!

HE WAS ANGRY,

HE DIDN'T JUST,

YOU KNOW,

"SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS,"

LIKE A GREETING.

"OH, SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS

TO YOU, TOO, SIR,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

YES.

IT'S A LOVELY DAY FOR

SUCKING SEVERAL BAGS OF D*CKS.

HA HA.

NO, WHAT HAPPENED WAS,

I- I CUT HIM OFF IN TRAFFIC.

IT WAS JUST ONE OF

THOSE THINGS WHERE IT JUST-

I HAD TO GET IN, AND NO ONE

WAS IN MY CAR TO JUDGE ME,

AND I JUST F***ING, YOU KNOW,

I JUST DECIDED-

HE'S NOT ME, SO I DON'T CARE

WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM,

AND I JUST CUT HIM OFF,

IT WAS JUS A SHITTY THING TO DO.

AND IT WAS BAD,

'CAUSE HE WAS COMING FAS 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T IMAGINE

IN A MILLION YEARS SOMEONE

COULD BE THAT BIG OF AN A**HOLE.

AND SO WHEN I DID IT,

HE HAD TO SLAM ON HIS BRAKES,

AND HIS DOG WENT PFF!

IN THE WINDSHIELD,

IT WAS REALLY VERY BAD.

- VERY BAD.

AND THE WORST PART IS,

WHEN YOU CUT PEOPLE OFF,

THEY DON'T VANISH,

THEY'RE BEHIND YOU NOW, SO...

- LOOKING BACK AND HE'S LIKE,

"F***ING ASS!"

AND HE'S SO MAD!

AND HE KEEPS TRYING

TO GET NEXT TO ME,

'CAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE

MY F***ING FACE.

HE'S JUST DYING,

HE'S LIKE,

"I GOTTA SEE

THIS COCKSUCKER, NOW.

I GOTTA SEE THE F***ING FACE

OF THE PIECE OF SHI THAT JUST DID THAT TO ME."

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Louis C.K.

Louis A. Székely (born September 12, 1967), better known by his stage name Louis C.K. (), is a Mexican American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker. He is known for his use of observational, self-deprecating, dark, and shock humor. In 2012, C.K. won a Peabody Award and has received six Primetime Emmy Awards, as well as numerous awards for The Chris Rock Show, Louie, and his stand-up specials Live at the Beacon Theater (2011) and Oh My God (2013). He has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album twice. Rolling Stone ranked C.K.'s stand-up special Shameless number three on their "Divine Comedy: 25 Best Stand-Up Specials and Movies of All Time" list and ranked him fourth on its 2017 list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.C.K. began his career in the 1990s writing for comedians including David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, and also for other comedy shows. Also in this period, he was directing surreal short films and went on to direct two features—Tomorrow Night (1998) and Pootie Tang (2001). In 2001, C.K. released his debut comedy album, Live in Houston directly through his website and became among the first performers to offer direct-to-fan sales of tickets to his stand-up shows, as well as DRM-free video concert downloads, via his website. He has released nine comedy albums, often directing and editing his specials as well. He had supporting acting roles in the films The Invention of Lying (2009), American Hustle, Blue Jasmine (both 2013), and Trumbo (2015). C.K. created, directed, executive produced, starred in, wrote, and was the primary editor of, Louie, an acclaimed semi-autobiographical comedy-drama series aired from 2010 to 2015 on FX. In 2016, C.K. created and starred in his self-funded web series Horace and Pete. He also co-created the shows Baskets and Better Things for FX and voiced Max the dog in the animated film The Secret Life of Pets in the same year. His 2017 film, I Love You, Daddy, was pulled from distribution prior to its scheduled release date after multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct which he then admitted to. more…

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