Louis C.K.: Shameless Page #5

Synopsis: Comedy and television star Louis C.K. returns to HBO for an hour of no-holds-barred, adults-only stand-up comedy! Taped before a live audience at the Henry Fonda Theater in Los Angeles, the performance finds Louis taking aim at fat and skinny people, spending money, bumper stickers, Californians, strangers and friends, sex and marriage, lying to your spouse, losing your privacy, and the new favorite pastime for fathers.
Genre: Comedy, Documentary
Director(s): Steven J. Santos
Actors: Louis C.K.
 
IMDB:
8.7
  Louis C.K.: Shameless Movie Quotes »
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TV-MA
Year:
2007
56 min
561 Views

AND I KEEP CUTTING HIM OFF,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM

TO SEE I'M ASHAMED OF

WHAT I DID.

NO-NOPE YOU DON'T.

FINALLY WE GET TO A RED LIGHT,

AND I GOTTA FACE HIM,

ONLY 'CAUSE THERE'S

A CAR IN FRONT OF ME,

OTHERWISE I WOULD'VE F***ING

BLOWN RIGHT THROUGH THERE.

BUT THERE HE IS, JUST-

"RR-AAH!" JUST FURIOUS.

AND I'M GOING, LIKE,

"YEAH, I KNOW, IT WAS AWFUL,

"I SHOULDN'T HAVE

DONE IT.

I'M NOT MAD, I WAS WRONG,

WHY WOULD I BE MAD?"

AND HE'S LIKE,

"WELL, F*** YOU!"

THEN HE STARTS GOING

LIKE THIS,

'CAUSE HE WANTS ME TO ROLL

MY WINDOW DOWN.

LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE PAR IN MY OWN ABUSE,

DURING THIS ARGUMENT.

"OH, I'M SORRY,

I DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY

ABOUT ME, YES?"

- "HOW RUDE OF ME TO SHUT OU YOUR ANGER WITH MY-"

SO I DID, I ROLLED IT DOWN,

I'M INTERESTED.

- AND HE GOES, "HEY, A**HOLE!"

I'M LIKE, "YEAH?"

HE SAYS,

"SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS!"

THEN HE DROVE AWAY.

AND I WAS KIND OF SAD THAT HE

DROVE AWAY, BECAUSE

I HAD A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

- THAT CONCEPT OF SUCKING

A BAG OF D*CKS,

IT'S JUST WEIRD.

LIKE, FIRST OF ALL,

WHEN YOU PICTURE

A BAG OF D*CKS...

- WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN

YOU PICTURE A BAG OF D*CKS?

IS IT LIKE A PLASTIC BAG

AND THEY'RE ALL MUSHING TOGETHER

LIKE CHICKEN PARTS-

- WITH A DATE WRITTEN ON I WITH SHARPIE,

KEEP IT IN THE FREEZER.

OR IS IT, LIKE, A PAPER BAG

AND THEY'RE STICKING OU LIKE BAGUETTES, KINDA LIKE?

YOU WENT SHOPPING-

BRINGING HOME THE BAG OF

D*CKS FOR THE KIDS.

- HERE YOU GO, SUSIE,

TAKE A BLUE ONE, YOU KNOW?

HA HA HA, I DON'T KNOW,

THEY WERE HANGING

IN A WINDOW SOMEWHERE,

"GIVE ME 2 OF THOSE."

AND HOW DO YOU:

SUCK A BAG OF D*CKS?

WHAT DOES HE WAN ME TO DO?

DOES HE WANT ME TO TAKE

A BAG OF D*CKS

AND SUCK IT-LIKE SUCK

THE SIDE OF THE BAG?

OR DO-DOES HE WAN ME TO OPEN THE BAG

AND SUCK EACH DICK INDIVIDUALLY?

- THROW THE USED ONES IN A BOWL

LIKE EDAMAME SHELLS?

LIKE THAT?

- DO I HAVE TO MAKE THEM ALL

COME? YOU KNOW, LIKE HOW-

- I DON'T KNOW, I NEVER

EVEN SUCKED 1 DICK,

SO IT'S NOT AN AREA

THAT I UNDERSTAND.

I'VE NEVER-I'VE NEVER

SUCKED A DICK.

ISN'T THAT WEIRD?

I'VE NEVER SUCKED A DICK.

MY WHOLE LIFE.

THAT'S WEIRD TO ME.

IT IS, IT'S WEIRD.

BECAUSE ALMOST EVERYBODY

HAS SUCKED A DICK.

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

MOST PEOPLE ON EARTH

SUCK D*CKS.

IT'S TRUE.

BECAUSE 51% OF

THE POPULATION ARE WOMEN,

AND THEY SUCK D*CKS,

THEN THERE'S ALL THE GAY GUYS

THAT SUCK D*CKS,

THEN THERE'S ALL

THE STRAIGHT GUYS WHO HAVE BEEN

FORCED TO SUCK A DICK

UNDER VARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES,

SO, WHAT,

THERE'S ONLY LIKE

A THOUSAND OF US

OUT THERE WHO'VE-

NEVER BLEW ANYONE.

JUST A BUNCH OF SELFISH

A**HOLES THAT ARE F***IN'

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Louis C.K.

Louis A. Székely (born September 12, 1967), better known by his stage name Louis C.K. (), is a Mexican American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker. He is known for his use of observational, self-deprecating, dark, and shock humor. In 2012, C.K. won a Peabody Award and has received six Primetime Emmy Awards, as well as numerous awards for The Chris Rock Show, Louie, and his stand-up specials Live at the Beacon Theater (2011) and Oh My God (2013). He has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album twice. Rolling Stone ranked C.K.'s stand-up special Shameless number three on their "Divine Comedy: 25 Best Stand-Up Specials and Movies of All Time" list and ranked him fourth on its 2017 list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.C.K. began his career in the 1990s writing for comedians including David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, and also for other comedy shows. Also in this period, he was directing surreal short films and went on to direct two features—Tomorrow Night (1998) and Pootie Tang (2001). In 2001, C.K. released his debut comedy album, Live in Houston directly through his website and became among the first performers to offer direct-to-fan sales of tickets to his stand-up shows, as well as DRM-free video concert downloads, via his website. He has released nine comedy albums, often directing and editing his specials as well. He had supporting acting roles in the films The Invention of Lying (2009), American Hustle, Blue Jasmine (both 2013), and Trumbo (2015). C.K. created, directed, executive produced, starred in, wrote, and was the primary editor of, Louie, an acclaimed semi-autobiographical comedy-drama series aired from 2010 to 2015 on FX. In 2016, C.K. created and starred in his self-funded web series Horace and Pete. He also co-created the shows Baskets and Better Things for FX and voiced Max the dog in the animated film The Secret Life of Pets in the same year. His 2017 film, I Love You, Daddy, was pulled from distribution prior to its scheduled release date after multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct which he then admitted to. more…

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