Louie Anderson: Big Baby Boomer Page #4

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[giggles]

I go,"What's an angioplasty?"

He goes,"Well, we take a wire--"

"A wire?"

I flash back to my dadworking on the car.

"Get me a wire, damn it.I'll fix this damn thing.

We'll getthese brakes working."

"Yeah, we take a wire.

We go inthrough your groin."

"Hmm.Who's 'we'?"

It's notthat Congressman Weiner, is it?

[laughs]

That's a horrible nameto grow up with, isn't that?

Huh?

You're punched every dayat school with that name.

"Weiner, get over here!"

So I agreed to do it'cause, you know,

they dope you upin the hospital.

You agree to stuff,you know?

Isn't it true?

"You ready to go?"

"I'm ready to go!

I'm president!"

So I get downto the angioplasty place.

The same people who makethe robes make the tables.

One cheekover the line

Sweet Jesus

But what an amazing time,you know?

I lay backon that thing,

and it's amazing.

I look up,

and here is my hearton a monitor.

And I knewit was my heart too

'cause that thingwas wrapped in bacon.

The doctor comes in.

He goes,"You see your heart?"

[pained] "Yeah.

It's a Hormel."

He goes, "Do you knowwhich arteries are blocked?"

"You don't know?

Listen,if you're not sure--"

So he heads towards my groin,and--[clears throat]

You hardly ever say that,do you?

"So he headstowards my groin--"

Sounds like the beginningof a 48 Hours.

"He headstowards my groin."

He was feeding the wirein my artery.

That or a puppet showwas going on.

"You shut up.""No, you shut up."

And the wire, you know,it's got to go up the I-90

and then over the 15.

You get excitedwhen the wire shows up.

"You're in!"

And he's goingto put that wire--

Now they do it, I think,even more amazingly,

but the wire goes in--bam.

The arteryis opened up.

He tried it,like, 30 times.

I finally saidto him, "Doc,

what's going on?"

He goes, "I'm goingto get a colleague."

"I don't careif you get a shepherd.

I hear labsare nice dogs."

So he gets methe head of angioplasty.

He's coming in.

Why didn't I have himto begin with?

He fixedmy heart right up,

and right now,my heart's 100%.

I'm really lucky.I'm really--

Like, that'sthe amazing part,

that they could takea guy like me

and make my heart 100%.

You know, it's a--[applause]

Well, that's very nice of you.thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, I just had a stress test.you know what that is?

Where you have your whole familyover, and then, uh--

[laughs]

[chuckles]

No, I love my family,

but it is true with families,isn't it?

They're stressful.

I'm trying to bea healthier person, you know?

I'm working out now.

I go to Anytime Fitnesssometimes.

[chuckles]

How many people work outall the time?

[chuckles]

I just love America.

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