Lloyd the Conqueror Page #3

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and roll it in pine nuts first,

Then we do it. Ok?

Alright.

Oswald here can give him a

hand job, to sweeten the deal.

- No, I will not.

- You damn well better.

If it comes to it, we will

all give Derek a hand job.

Fine.

Are you all three shaft men,

Or will one of you

be working the balls?

(LLOYD SIGHS)

Just so we're clear, gentlemen,

The only reason I'm seeing

you is because student bylaws

Demand I must provide

all of my students

With a minimum of five

minutes of outside class time.

(LLOYD CLEARS HIS THROAT)

Sir, we were hoping

to talk to you

Regarding

yesterday's presentation.

These bylaws, however,

state nothing about

Actually having to listen.

You now have four

point five minutes.

What is all this stuff?

P*ssy repellant.

We need to know if we can have

a redo on the assignment.

We really need to

pass this class sir.

A redo?

That would only be fair.

Really?

Well yes, you had two

weeks to do an assignment,

And you did no work.

Aw, come on dude,

it's community college!

What do you mean by that?

It means that you're...

I think what Patrick

is trying to say is that

We know we made a huge mistake,

But we are very sorry.

I don't think that's

what he meant Lloyd,

- I think it's...

- It's not.

There must be some way.

I think there might

be two ways actually,

Slim and none.

We will literally

do whatever it takes.

Not whatever it takes,

I mean, there's a few things

we're probably not gonna...

Oswald.

Whatever it takes.

There might be one way.

Name it.

The infernal accord.

[MUSIC STOPS]

DEREK:

No one?

A literary device, also known

as making a deal with the devil.

A party makes

a deal with Satan,

Knowing the odds are

stacked against him,

But his desire is so great,

He's willing to risk

his immortal soul.

And then he wins

against all odds?

No, in post-Victorian

gothic literature,

The protagonist always fails,

And is thus damned to

the eternal fires of hell.

You want us to sell

our souls to the devil?

I want you to register

in my larping league

Under the forces of light.

Do this, I will

supply you dick weeds

With enough extra credit

to maintain a passing grade.

And if we win the whole

thing, do we get like an

Extra, extra credit?

You would have to

defeat me to win.

Yeah, so what do

we get when we win?

If you manage,

by some magic feat,

To win, I'll give you an 'a+'.

That grade, in my

class, gentlemen,

Is as elusive as the

mythical one thousand sided die.

- We accept.

- What?!

Lloyd, what are you doing?

Where do we sign up?

The den of he,

Formerly known as

the white wizard.

And is that a real place?

The sentry box, in Kensington,

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