Lloyd the Conqueror

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[ SKATEBOARDING ]

ANDY:

It is here where our story begins.

A magical land that knew

peace for many, many years.

The sport of larping,

also known as

Live action role playing,

Was enjoyed across the

countryside by all who played.

(JOYFUL LAUGHTER)

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

But a shadow soon

fell over the land.

The dark one, Derek,

began his study of the larp,

Twisting its rules

to ensure victory.

His success

attracted many admirers,

Who easily became acolytes

in what was known as

The black crusade.

(YELLING AND CHEERING)

(WARRIORS YELLING)

ANDY:
And the spirit of the game

was lost with their coming.

Fear replaced fun.

And treachery

replaced teamwork.

Holy shit.

(APPLAUSE)

ANDY:

Derek's grip grew stronger each year,

Until none

questioned his might.

And yet, whispers of change

are heard in the wind.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Can it be that a champion will

stand against the dark one?

And if so, is there

any chance of victory?

Kicking, kicking.

Kicking.

Yes. Good job.

Good job.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Ha!

- Oh!

[SWORDS CLANGING]

Stop it, Patrick,

you're making me lose.

Don't blame me

for your suckitude.

Oh sweet, I have

a gun in each hand.

Hammer brothers.

[SWORD SLASH AND SCREAMING]

You made me die.

I'm just trying

to help you, Oswald,

It's called

negative reinforcement.

Look, if you're not

gonna respect me,

At least have some

respect for the game.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SWORDS CLANGING]

So check this out,

on my way home,

I happened to pass

where that hot chick

Teaches kung fu or whatever.

You just happen to pass

by that place every night,

You creepy bastard.

Yeah, but this time I happened

to glance in the window,

And me and her

made eye contact.

I'm 90% sure she smiled.

Like a rye, half smile.

Wow, that's like a fairy tale.

You guys wouldn't understand.

Anyway, let's get started

on this presentation.

What presentation?

The Beowulf project

for lit class.

I thought that wasn't

due till next week.

It is due in twelve

and a half hours,

And we've completed

approximately zero percent,

So that's literally putting

it off till the last minute.

I'm pretty sure that you and Oswald

said that you two would write it,

And then I would present

it in front of the class.

We did not.

I distinctly

remember you saying

I didn't have

to write anything.

I did not.

We're all gonna work on it.

We have to present a concise

analysis of an ancient text,

To the harshest

grader at the school

And you guys

are completely-

What is this Oswald?

Agent danger iii, die

dangerously, the video game.

I have been waiting

forever to play this game.

It's got multi-Player.

How about this,

we play one round,

Just to cleanse our palates,

Then we start

working on the project?

No, no way.

Are you shooting with

a gun in each hand?

Yeah.

Check this out, I'm gonna

shoot this guy in the junk.

VIDEO GAME:

Nut shot.

(LAUGHING)

Sweet.

Ok, one round, then

that's it, I'm serious.

[VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE

AND SWORD CLANGING]

Quit looking at my screen.

I'm not.

How are you finding me

every round and killing me?

That's like asking a

bumble bee how it buzzes.

Got ya, got ya, got ya.

I'm not playing

with a screen looker.

You're a screen

looker, dill hole.

It's 4:
00 a.m.

Better hit the sack.

Me too.

What about the project?

We need a ten minute

report on Beowulf.

Beowulf?

More like

gay-O-Wolf.

Oh good, now we

have an opening.

Hey, don't stress

about it, Lloyd.

We'll throw something

together in the morning,

And I'll draw a

picture for visual aid.

Yeah, no sweat.

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