Ladybugs Page #3

---

- I was a...

- A kicker.

- A kicker?

Everyone on the team is a kicker.

I mean, what position?

Well, you know, you name it,

I played it, Mrs. Mullen.

Yeah? Were you a sweeper

or a forward?

Sweeper, forward, backward, outfield,

tight end, I played them all, you know?

- You don't say.

- Yeah.

I would've went pro,

but one night I pulled my groin muscle.

- That must have been awful.

- Yeah. Somewhat exciting.

You know, Mrs. Mullen,

when I see these trophies

it reminds me how wonderful it is

to have a winning team.

- What? You gonna coach what?

- Take it easy, will you?

What the hell do you know

about soccer?

Nothing, it just happened.

I was kissing the boss' ass,

his wife came in,

I started kissing her ass.

The next thing you know, they made me

coach of the soccer team.

- Well, did you get the promotion?

- I'll get the promotion.

All we have to do

is bring home a championship team!

"We?" What you talking about "we?"

I told the Mullens

you'll be my assistant coach.

That's great.

Goodbye, job. Hello, welfare.

What could be so hard?

They were champs last year,

champs the year before. I can't miss.

It's a piece of cake!

Well, I'll tell you one thing,

you look like a coach.

- You know anything else about soccer?

- Not much.

All I know is, I got a lot of balls.

Well, I got a book on soccer.

It says in here, there are 11 positions.

You got to be careful

when you read a book about positions.

I read a book once,

100 Ways to Make Love.

I ended up in traction. It was a misprint.

Now, I've seen the Ladybugs' trophies,

and I know what the Ladybugs can do.

And I'm not so foolish as to come here

and burden you with new techniques.

I say, leave success alone, right, Julie?

That's right, Coach Chester.

Julie, look at the way you're eating.

I thought you were getting in shape.

What happened

to the weightlifting class?

I'm doing good. I mean, this is heavy.

Now, before we start our practice,

I want to get to know you.

When I point to you,

I want you to stand up, state your name,

and tell me how many goals

you scored last year.

All right, we'll start with... you.

My name is Sally Anne Welfelt,

and I'm 12 years old, going on 13.

My hobbies are ice-skating

and going shopping.

- My favorite book is A Wrinkle in Time.

- All right. Okay, Sally Anne.

Turn-ons:
Good-Iooking guys, music,

good-Iooking guys, pizza,

good-Iooking guys, staying up late,

- and good-Iooking guys.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Tell me, how many goals

did you score last year?

Goals? None.

- None?

- This is my first year.

This is her first year.

Let's hear it for Welfelt.

Give her

a big Ladybug reception, all right?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes