Kung Pow: Enter the Fist Page #4

Synopsis: Kung Pow: Enter the Fist is a movie within a movie, created to spoof the martial arts genre. Writer/director Steve Oedekerk uses contemporary characters and splices them into a 1970s kung-fu film, weaving the new and old together. As the main character, The Chosen One, Oedekerk sets off to avenge the deaths of his parents at the hands of kung-fu legend Master Pain. Along the way, he encounters some strange characters, one of which is a cow trained in the martial arts.
Genre: Action, Comedy
Director(s): Steve Oedekerk
Production: 20th Century Fox
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.2
Metacritic:
14
Rotten Tomatoes:
11%
PG-13
Year:
2002
81 min
$15,943,478
Website
1,920 Views


" Swingin" the chain

Swingin" the-- " Huh?

Well, you must be quite a fiighter

to make it past my cow.

What is it you want?

Evil Betty,

I"ve come to fiinish something

I should"ve done years ago.

Remember these?

Well, you"ve grown.

I thought you

looked familiar.

Sorry, I didn"t recognize you

without crap in your pants.

I"ve trained my whole life

for this day.

I spanked you as a baby.

Ill spank you now, b*tch !

- Good luck.

- Wait !

You mustn"t !

You are not ready !

- Who are you?

- Ling"s father. Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh-ee !

- Oh, dear.

- No one man can defeat Betty.

When you girls are done kissing,

Ive got some ass kicking for you !

I have to avenge

my family !

- Ohh !

At that moment,

the Chosen One learned

a valuable lesson about iron claws.

- They hurt like crap, man !

Chosen One ! Oh !

Shirt ripper !

Chosen One was clearly not ready.

He should have listened

to that one-boobed chick.

Hmm !

Water... everywhere !

Uuh ! All over me !

I"m... getting... wet !

Uuh ! i'm falling !

You're falling !

We"re falling !

A whale !

Mm-mm. Hmm.

Mmm, memento !

Huuh, Chosen One,

I am sorry.

I'll get you some help.

i'll get you some help.

Let me know if you see

a Radio Shack.

Hmm.

-Once again.

- With feeling.

One... of us...

is wearing... a pushup bra.

it's lacy--

Master Tang, please help me.

- Im bleeding.

- Hey ! I remember you !

Just like old times !

- Ah, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi ! Rikki-Tikki !

- Too tight ! Stop hugging me !

- I have a mortal wound !

- Where? Where does it hurt?

Oh, pretty much around

the big, bloody spot. Oh !

- Come inside. Ill get the Neosporin.

" Na na na na na "

" Neo "

" Na na na na na na na "

" Sporin "

Please, I"m dying.

You must listen to me.

I feel the Chosen One

may give up hope.

This must not happen.

The creature in his tongue,

although a little disturbing,

possess a great

supernatural power-r-r !

W-Without Tonguey,

the council is invincible.

They will come to Bettys aid.

Do you understand?

No.

I dont understand you.

- Aha !

- No. Don't do that. it hurts.

No, it"s good,

it"s good !

No, no, please.

I have a wound there.

Come on.

Don"t spoil everything.

This works for both of us,

huh?

Yeah-ahh !

The news of

your father weighs heavy on my heart.

Evidently, his wound

never closed up properly.

He gave his life for mine.

I"m so sorry, Ling.

He was my father

my entire life.

We were friends.

I loved him.

And now he"s dead--

except for his hair

and nails-- dead.

I don"t understand...

why people have to die.

Whee-ooh-whee-ooh-whee-ooh !

And now...

if-if I lose you--

Oh, man, I"m a little,

tiny, horny honey.

Mm.

- Hmm !

- Mmm !

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Steve Oedekerk

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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