Knights of Badassdom Page #4

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Consider it done, my liege.

Okay, that was a bit much.

Show-off.

Lo, the adventure begins!

Please report for

quest assignments.

Step forward when

your group is called.

Heed this reminder.

All guilds must

complete their quest

prior to tomorrow's

battle at Evermore.

Also, Ryan the Necromancer

beseeches thy help

in finding his inhaler.

What... Oh.

His inhaler of doom!

And to the owner of the

sperm-white Toyota Tercel,

thy chariot is blocking

the witches' coven.

Move it or you'll be faced with

a hex of great dark magic.

And you'll be towed.

It's a lot like you remember it,

except instead of

sitting around a table,

we do it for real.

For fake.

Fake-real, dude.

Don't f*** with me.

And this fake-real

involves, uh, yoga?

Laugh now, but a

structured warm-up routine

helps prevent injury later.

All right... I'll show you.

Come on.

What?

All right.

Arms and legs, one point.

Torso's two.

Limb takes a hit, it's useless

until healing's been cast.

Parry disarm can be

used once per melee

unless you're up against

a two-handed weapon.

Grab your sword, I'll demonstrate.

Finish him!

Got an idea.

How about I just forget the count

- and start wailing on people!

- Dude!

Dude!

It's honor system, Man.

Okay, you're all set

to join the battle.

I just spoke with Ronnie.

- Oh, except lose the sword.

- Huh?

Yeah, newbs don't get swords.

Um.

Wait, I have to earn the

right to carry a foam stick?

'Tis not the size of the young

knave's blade, but the lust

in his thrust by which

legends are made.

Oh!

Jobreyth!

There is one more thing

you're going to need to do.

Verily?

- This is retarded.

- Guys, pentagrams?

Man, we don't roll that

way here, all right?

This is the LARP, not the

Wicker Man Wiccan cosplay.

Nay.

'Tis in the book, dude.

Okay.

Um, Eric.

They be the rest of our

traveling companions.

Stand back and witness the

spectacle of my animation spell.

- Ready?

- Oh, for God's sake.

Ahh!

Beth?

Beth?

Ahh!

How awesome was that!

A-plus, motherf***er.

Arise, Jobreyth.

Breathe fresh the air once again.

What the f*** was that... it hurt.

Methinks you should not

be so much of a p*ssy.

Don't tell me you've never

played with fireworks before.

Not like that.

What was with the faces,

the smells, everything?

What was that?

I tell you what I see.

A warrior...

who can't let go of his past.

What are you doing?

Wow.

What was that?

Ex-girlfriend!

Jobryeth needeth closure!

It's not like that.

'Tis no matter to me, apprentice.

What the sh*t is going on?

Why is there smoke?

Eric, I said a basic summoning

spell, not one of your

non-regulation

pyrotechnic displays.

This was more befitting

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