Knights of Badassdom Page #3

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hand, my right hand...

Ow!

Ooh.

I have an idea of

what your right hand

spends a lot of time doing, Ronnie.

That's really personal, Gwen.

Come, Gunther.

I'll take that as a no for now.

- You okay?

- Shut your mouth.

Onward.

Shut your mouth.

Where the f*** are the keys?

Two floors.

Whoa.

Hey.

Thought you guys only

used foam weapons.

In this world, young Jonen,

you can only put

your trust in steel.

My elite clientele is willing to

pay a premium for authenticity.

Where the f*** are the keys?

Come on, Joe.

You played D&D.

Live action role play

is the next level.

D&D was a long time ago.

Yeah... And you were a legend.

These people here?

They sing songs about

the time that you gave

Ronnie Kwok's paladin

demonic syphilis.

Do you remember... remember when

we caught Ronnie spanking it

to the succubus picture in

the old monster manual?

Good times, man.

Yeah, and some of us

are still having 'em.

Come on!

Eric's about to level

up to Grand Sorcerer.

I'm packing an ounce

of killer 'shrooms.

And there be monsters

in need of pummelin'!

You have a choice:

Join us in tasting the

sweet nectar of victory

or mope around an empty

house all week like a b*tch.

You guys do actually

look slightly badass.

It's like a Metalwolf cover.

- Yeah.

- Without the muscles.

No.

All right.

I'm in.

Huzzah!

Please.

Don't make me rethink this.

Nah.

Welcome to the fields of Evermore!

Um, Ronnie?

Yes, Travis.

Where are our costumes?

There is no end to the

tricks up my sleeve

- Wardr'be?

- Yes, sir.

Got it... 42 regular.

42 reg... I think

you'll find it snug.

- Great.

- Freshly laundered.

I'm a trained actor, man.

Not some f***ing... stunt monkey.

A weekend improv workshop, my ass.

Ungrateful.

Ah, greetings, enchanter.

I have some surprises

in store for you.

Some creatures with a taste

for flesh of the lowest order.

Hmm?

Parasites, charlatans.

War profiteers of

forbidden weaponry.

Verily, I say... let it go, dude.

Well.

Marketplace is a battlefield and

to the victor go the spoils.

Agreed.

I bring news of a legendary warrior

long absent from this realm

who returnth to replace the

estimable Sir Reginald.

The new warrior is

of course welcome.

Wonderful... Jobreyth of Revitt

shall once more fight by my side.

Joe Revitt's here...

What the frak, Eric?

- I hate that guy.

- Ronald, Ronald,

why be so petty?

I mean, surely, you're not still

sore about your syphilitic paladin.

Perhaps, the pages of

your monster manual

remain stucketh together?

For old time's sake, he's in.

But...

You must accomplish a

level 12 summoning spell

to animate Joe's character

with Reginald's life-force.

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