Kevin & Perry Go Large Page #3

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BOTH:
Thank you. Thank you. Eh?

We're very proud of you.

- It was really public spirited.

- Kevin...

and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words.

Urrghhh...

We've got a present for you.

Thank Dad.

What?

He's paid for our tickets.

What do you mean, "our tickets"?

We're coming, too.

BOTH GASP:

- You didn't think you could go on your own?

- THEY LAUGH

That is so unfair! Ow!

It's so unfair...

I'd hate to have my head chopped off.

If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole.

Never mind, Kev.

Those bastards!

If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear!

Perry, you're right.

Let us prepare.

# All I wanna do is do it...

# Big girl... #

Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams!

Boys!

- Over here, now!

- Oh!

This is the worst holiday of my life.

Kev, look!

Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul.

Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large.

All right, Eyeball Paul?

HE BURPS:

- Cool!

- Brilliant!

Be careful, you clumsy twat.

Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in.

Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys!

Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up.

- She is one lippy b*tch.

- HE LAUGHS

Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke.

He's our new best mate, isn't he?

If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him.

- And shag his birds.

- All the birds we want!

This is the best holiday of my life.

DANCE MUSIC:

- See you on the beach.

- Huh! I don't think so!

- You've got to go to the beach.

- Yeah...but not your beach.

We are going to the beach you don't even know about,

because you're nearly dead.

Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson.

How dare you speak like that!

- HORN BEEPS

- Kevin!

El beacheo!

- Kevin, I'm talking to you!

- Wanker!

The beach!

- Banging!

- Large!

DANCE MUSIC:

Oi, Kev, look!

It's the girls from the airport.

Zoom, zoom, zoom!

BOTH:
Ooh...

Let's stand close to them so they get interested.

Good idea.

- Oh. I'm hooked in.

- Me, too.

We'll get in the sea to cool off.

SQUELCHING:

SQUELCHING:

Afternoon, ladies.

How's it hanging, ladies?

A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies?

Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah?

- Would you like a drink?

- Or Pasha.

- Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma?

- It is, Candice.

Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah?

Two margaritas with no salt, please.

Shaken not stirred.

Or Manumission.

- We might go to Manumission tonight.

- Or Es Paradise.

Or we might go to Es Paradise.

- Or Privilege.

- Or Privilege.

- Or Amnesia.

- Or Amnesia.

Cos the tunes there are banging...

PHONE RINGS:

Ladies.

Cheers, waiter. Keep the change.

- Very lovely ladies, aren't they?

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