Joe Rogan: Triggered Page #3

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this motherf***er does his hair,

we lose a foot of ozone layer

and a polar bear bursts into flames.

He's got, like, a closet full

of Aqua Net at home.

You can't pretend you don't give a f***

when you have that thing going on, dude.

Stop that.

The White House got broken into

while Obama was in office.

The first time in over 100 years

that someone broke into the White House.

Also, the first time a girl

was guarding the front door by herself.

"What are you trying to say, that women

can't do everything men can do?"

Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying.

That seems sexist, right?

People say, "You're sexist."

No, it's not sexist.

Here's why it's not sexist.

'Cause men can't even do

everything men can do.

See? There's no physical equality, folks.

That's why we have the Olympics.

'Cause there's people that can do

some sh*t that you and I can't do.

One of those things is guarding

the f***ing White House.

I know I can't guard the White House.

You know how I know?

Because I've met Shaquille O'Neal

and his dick is where my face is.

That's not equality.

That's not white privilege.

Listen, if the White House

is experiencing a Shaq Attack,

I'm the wrong dude to save the world.

I did Fear Factor with Shaq.

If we're holding hands, it'd be like

a six-year-old at the park with his dad.

We're barely the same thing.

So, do I think women should

guard the White House? No.

I don't think I should, either.

It's not sexist to say that women

can't do big physical labor things

as good as giant men can.

But people will tell you it is.

Well, I'm not sexist.

As a matter of fact,

my favorite people are all female.

I have a wife and I have three daughters.

They're my favorite people in the world.

But I could beat the f*** out

of all of them.

Okay? Listen...

If they're guarding the door,

I'm getting in.

I don't mean to sound cocky.

But I'm just real confident.

I could f*** them up if I had the flu.

Okay?

Yeah, we're different. We're different.

I could beat up my cat, too.

I'm not proud of it.

I just tell you what's up.

If you wanna bet money, bet money on me.

I'll f*** that cat up.

Most likely.

Cats are f***ing weird like that, man.

I was petting my cat once and he bit me.

I was like, "Whoa! Are we gonna do this?

What the f*** are you doing here?"

I got a little nervous.

Got a little nervous.

"Women can do everything men can do.

This guy's a piece of sh*t. We're leaving.

Too much information is going in

that I don't agree with!"

"What the guy said was total bullshit.

Total bullshit."

How'd that girl get that job?

I'll tell you how that girl got that job.

Because someone let her have that job.

Which means, either there were a bunch

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