Joe Rogan: Triggered

Synopsis: Unleashing his inquisitive, intense comedic style, Rogan explores everything from raising kids and Santa Claus to pot gummies and talking to dolphins.
Director(s): Anthony Giordano
Actors: Joe Rogan
 
IMDB:
7.5
Year:
2016
830 Views


Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome Joe Rogan.

What the f*** is going on,

San Francisco?

Thanks for coming.

I appreciate it! God damn!

Put your phone down, fuckface!

I see you, b*tch!

Put your phone down!

Motherfuckers.

They can't use their eyes.

Everybody's gotta live

through their goddamn phone.

Whoo! I'm high as f***. Whoo.

It's strange.

I wasn't sure if I was gonna do

this sober. I'm like, "Ugh..."

It's not the move.

Not in San Francisco.

This is...

I love pot, but the people that are making

edibles need to slow the f*** down.

Oh, my God!

What are you trying to do to people?

I had a pot gummy bear the other day.

I think we can all agree a gummy bear

shouldn't be able to steal your soul.

Right?

How the f*** are these people

making these things, man?

They're not consistent.

That's also part of the problem.

You don't know what you're getting,

'cause they're not making them

the same place where they make Tylenol.

Nah, it's some greasy dude

with a Grateful Dead T-shirt on

and a gray ponytail.

He's got a bowl of ingredients,

and he can't remember

whether or not he put weed in yet.

This dude's time traveling,

just back and forth.

He just keeps chucking weed in there

until it looks like lawn trimmings.

You eat it,

and it's not what you're looking for.

It's not regulated.

You gotta ask questions.

I asked a dude at the pot store.

I go, "Hey, man, how strong

are the gummy bears?"

He goes...

That's not a unit of measurement.

He's like, "El diablo. El diablo."

"F***, man. How much should I take?"

"Just the leg."

"Just the leg?

Why are you selling whole bears?

What the f*** are you trying

to prove, man?"

They just watch you leave with that bear.

They go, "Oh, sh*t."

They know.

They know you're not gonna die.

You're gonna think you're gonna die,

but everybody lives.

Learn some sh*t.

We learn some sh*t from the scary trips.

See, the thing about edibles,

one of the problems with it being illegal,

is that a lot of us don't have a lot

of information that we could use.

Like, there's a difference

between smoking it and eating it.

When you smoke it, you get THC.

But when you eat it,

it's processed by your liver,

and it produces something

called 11-hydroxy metabolite

that's five times more psychoactive

than THC.

And it lets you talk to dolphins.

This is a real moment

that changed my life.

I was in Hawaii, and we were on a boat,

and we were fishing.

We were pulling these lines

behind the boat,

and I was so high,

I was trying to figure out

which way the Earth was spinning.

Like, the boat's going this way,

and the sun's up there.

I'm like, "Um..."

For like 20 minutes, I'm paralyzed.

So, while this is all happening,

these dolphins just show up.

And if you've ever been around

wild dolphins, they're very trippy.

It's very different than you expect,

because they look at you.

They, like, check you out.

They, like, pop out of the water

and they, like, look at you...

like a person,

not like a f***ing deer or woodchuck.

They look at you like another person.

Granted, I was so high

I thought I was gonna die, but...

I'm making eye contact

with these dolphins,

and I started thinking,

"How smart are these f***ing things?"

Because we're fishing.

Dolphins eat fish.

But you never catch dolphins.

Ever.

No one has ever gone fishing

and accidentally caught a dolphin.

And all I could think of

while these dolphins were, like,

hopping through the water,

and looking at us and sh*t...

I was thinking,

"If people lived in the water,

you'd f***ing catch 'em all day."

They wouldn't even have to live

in the water.

If cheeseburgers

just floated down Geary Street...

at least once a week, a guy would be like,

"I'm taking a chance."

And you see 'em getting yanked up

to the clouds.

"F***! We lost Billy!"

The bottom of his sneakers

in a puff of cloud.

You don't catch dolphins

on fishhooks, man.

That's weird.

They're around fishing all the time

and like, "B*tch."

They're f***ing smart. How smart?

Well, I watched a dolphin documentary,

and it said they have a cerebral cortex

that's 40% larger than a human being's.

I don't know what that means, but if you

say it right and don't f*** up the words,

it makes you sound smarter

than you really are.

I think what it means

is they have big f***ing brains.

But we don't think of them as being smart

'cause they don't do what we do. Right?

They don't send e-mails.

They don't have houses.

But if you lived in their world,

you don't need anything.

You don't need your fingers.

No one's typing.

They have a language that's so complex,

we can't understand it.

All the food's free.

They stay where the water's warm.

I started thinking,

"How f***ing smart are they?

What if they're exactly the same as us?

What if it's just some different branch

of evolution?

We went one way. They went the other.

What if consciousness is the same?"

I was thinking, "What if me to me

is the same as me to a dolphin?"

The way you think of yourself

when you say the word "me."

I was like, "What if that's exactly

how a dolphin feels?

They're just living life

through different biology,

different genetics,

different life experiences.

But if I lived a dolphin's life,

I would be him.

And if he lived my life, he would be me."

And then I started thinking,

"What if that's the case with people?

What if everyone is exactly the same?

We're just living life

through different bodies.

What if that's the secret of happiness?

Treat everyone

as if it's you living another life."

I mean...

And then I thought, "God damn, how good

is this weed I'm getting in California?

Whoo!

I'm on a f***ing floating craft out

in the middle of the ocean,

talking to water people."

The problem with treating everybody

as if it's you living another life

is you wanna f***ing smack yourself.

Half the people you meet,

you just wanna f***ing smack 'em.

We live in the weirdest time ever.

I mean, it's the most awesome time ever.

But it's the weirdest time ever, too.

We're, like,

that close to President Trump.

- No. Boo!

- "No. Boo!"

You boo, but you won't vote, you fucks!

All those Bernie Sanders people,

"Yo, Bernie's the sh*t."

"Did you vote for him?"

"Voting ain't real, bro.

It doesn't even work, dude."

We are that close to President Trump.

Bill Cosby's a rapist,

and Bruce Jenner's a chick.

We're in an episode of Lost.

Down is up and up is down!

This is the type of world you get

when you give kids participation trophies

for getting their ass kicked

in soccer games.

This is the world we get!

We get a goddamn Nerfed-up world

filled with nonsense.

Nobody wants to be president. Nobody.

I hope Hillary wins.

That way we can realize

chicks can't do that f***ing job either.

It's a stupid job.

It's a stupid job invented back

when people used to write with feathers.

It's dumb!

It's just some old-school sh*t

that we need to get rid of.

It doesn't make any sense.

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Joe Rogan

Joseph James Rogan (born August 11, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian, martial arts color commentator and podcast host. A fan of comedy since his youth, Rogan began a career in stand-up in August 1988 in the Boston area, developing a blue comedy act. He moved to New York City two years later. After relocating to Los Angeles in 1994, Rogan signed an exclusive developmental deal with Disney, appeared as an actor on the television sitcoms Hardball and NewsRadio, and worked in local comedy clubs. In 1997, he started working for the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) as an interviewer and color commentator. Rogan released his first comedy special in 2000, and has since produced seven other specials. From 2001, he has been the host of several television shows, including Fear Factor, The Man Show, and Joe Rogan Questions Everything. In 2009, Rogan launched his podcast The Joe Rogan Experience which has become one of the most popular podcasts available; in October 2015, it was downloaded 16 million times. Rogan is also an advocate of the legalization of cannabis, hunting, and overall physical and mental well-being. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Joe Rogan: Triggered" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/joe_rogan:_triggered_11344>.

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