Jimmy Carr Live Page #3

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You were all in the area anyway?

- What's that?

- (Man replies in high-pitched voice)

Was that Dover, or were you castrated

before you got a chance to...

Right.

Were you worried about sounding silly so

you put on a ludicrous high pitched voice?

"That should sort things out."

Shouldn't it?

So you're a sailor, are you?

Imagine my surprise

at your high-pitched voice.

Hm. Bad things come in threes.

A good example of that is Atomic Kitten.

Every time I think about Atomic Kitten

Actually I'm slightly sad

Somewhere in the Northeast there's a

supermarket three checkout girls short.

l wrote that joke for a thing called

Worst Britons where I had to write jokes

About lots of celebrities. It was a

program that we put on Channel 4.

l wrote this as well,

if it's of any interest to you.

l went to a car-boot sale the other week

I found this old, brown,

bent leathery tool.

It turned out to be David Dickinson.

I don't know if anyone seen any of the

other TV shows that I made

I make a show called Distraction at the

moment. Has anyone seen that?

- (Cheering)

- Oh. And one person liked it?

That's good. If I can entertain

just one man, I'll have been sh*t.

Distraction it's quite good its Channel 4's

replacement to Sex And The City.

Just imagine the city is Dundee

and the sex is anal. You get the idea

l do another show called

Your Face Or Mine. Has any one seen that?

It's quite a good fun I think.

It's a fun show.

It's as shallow as a tinker's bath.

No offence. I didn't mean...

But you know it's quite a fun show.

It's basically about couples..

It's about looks in relationships.

- Who thinks looks are

important in a relationship?

- (Several voices) Yes.

Quite a few of you are

being honest this evening.

l sort of sit on the fence on that one.

Are looks important in a relationship?

You don't look at the fireplace

when you're poking the fire.

But you do

when it's sucking you off, so...

Are you two a couple?

Do you mind me

asking how on earth that happened?

What were you thinking?

- I don't know.

- You can do a lot better than that.

You're punching way above your weight.

Not just a lil bit

It's a different league.

Well done.

ls that money

or personality or...

low self-esteem on her part?

Lovely little mix of all three?

That's basically the show.Your Face or Mine

That's it. That's all we do.

We string that out for haIf an hour.

The magic of television.

Although It is quite awkward sometimes.

Cos its quite young couples on the show

And you know they are 19 or 20

and they are talking about their looks

It can be a bit awkward sometimes.

We had an incident on the show Where a woman

came on with a medical complaint.

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