Jim Jefferies: BARE Page #3

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because he's a f***ing moron.

See, now I know there's people in the room,

they're thinking, "Well,

fathers have Father's Day."

Father's Day is bullshit.

It's f***ing sh*t, Father's Day.

Father's Day came around

and my girlfriend went,

"What do you want for Father's Day?"

And I went, "I don't want anything.

Don't even worry about

it. I don't want anything."

And she goes, "Come on.

You gotta have something."

I said, "Honestly, I don't want

anything." And she goes, "Come on."

And I went, "It's my f***ing money.

Just don't touch it.

Just leave my money alone.

How hard is this?

How about, for 24 hours, you

don't touch my f***ing money?

That would be a gift."

That's why every single father

has that one Father's Day

gift that they cherish,

and it's sh*t!

It's, like, a f***ing ceramic

mug that the kid made in school

where the handle's too big,

and it says, "I heart Dad."

And they keep that for 20

f***ing years, this mug.

And do you wanna know why they like it?

Every now and again,

they look at it and go...

"That cost me nothing, that mug."

See...

wouldn't it be nice to have one day

that was for men and for fathers

and all that type of stuff,

but didn't cost anything, that

everyone could participate in, right?

I've got it, right? April 18th...

Anal Sex Day.

It's good, isn't it?

Everyone's girlfriend or wife has

to take it in the ass on April 18th.

It's nice.

A month before, you'd be walking

around the shopping center going,

"Oh, the decorations are up!"

And it's good 'cause if your

bird didn't take it in the ass,

you could do the same thing

that women do on Valentine's Day

when they don't get a gift.

You could go like,

"Oh, me mate, Jason, his

wife took it in the ass twice.

Yeah, obviously, they're

more connected than we are.

They've, uh..."

I'm thinking, I don't do much

merchandise after my shows and stuff,

but I'm thinking of bringing

out some April 18th T-shirts.

Not even putting "Jim

Jefferies" on them or anything.

Just T-shirts that say, "April 18th."

'Cause it's good, right?

You're in a bar. You're a guy.

You see a guy at the other end of the

bar with an April 18th, and you go...

F***ing friends for life, right?

But even better, you see a

girl with an April 18th T-shirt.

The weird thing is I'm

bigging-up anal sex here,

and I don't even really like

f***ing girls in the ass that much.

I'm not even a huge fan.

I much prefer the c*nt.

I think it's a much more...

I think that a c*nt is a much

more purpose-built thing to f***.

But, you know, anal sex... Oh, you know...

I do it.

I get involved, 'cause

I feel like I have to.

You know, I...

But I've never been a big fan

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