Jim Jefferies: BARE

Synopsis: Covers topics from gun control to family values.
Director(s): Shannon Hartman
 
IMDB:
8.1
TV-MA
Year:
2014
77 min
481 Views


1

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the stage

Mr. Jim Jefferies!

Hello!

Sit down, sit down, sit

down, sit down, sit down.

Thank you, Boston. I appreciate that.

Uh, that's very sweet of you.

Love you!

I'm at the end of the tour right now.

I'm very happy to be on tour

because I now have a child.

Ah, so...

any time out of home is good for me.

Um, I got my girlfriend pregnant

after knowing her for two months.

So...

Thank you. Thank you. Life decisions.

And she's a nice girl, and

I love her in a way, sure.

My problem with my girlfriend is,

she's very sweet, but she's

sh*t at telling stories,

and I'm awesome at telling stories,

so it really bothers me when she talks.

And I don't know if that'll

be a problem in the future,

but it's a problem now and I

don't see it getting better.

Um...

I'll give you an example, right?

I was in the car,

and my son Hank was

asleep in the back seat,

and we're driving along, and

on the radio comes Madonna,

and my girlfriend just

slips into conversation,

"Oh, I used to party with Madonna."

And I went, "You f***ing what, when?"

And she went, "I used

to party with Madonna."

Now, I should fill you

in a little bit on this.

My girlfriend used to be

a model in Miami, right?

I'm not bragging. I

didn't get the model years.

I didn't get those years.

I've seen the photos. Very impressive.

Um...

So, I said, "So you used

to party with Madonna.

Madonna used to have big parties

and invite models over, right?"

And she went, "No, no, it would

just be me and a few other people."

I go, "You need to elaborate

on this story right now."

And she goes, "Oh, okay, I used to

date the center for the Miami Heat."

As soon as you hear that

the mother of your child

used to date an NBA center,

even if this guy's even

slightly in proportion...

a lot of things flood through your head.

First thing is, "That's why

your c*nt's so f***ed up."

That's a big one.

"That's why our child came

out while you were walking.

I understand."

So she said, "I used to date

the center for the Miami Heat.

His best friend was Dennis Rodman.

Dennis Rodman used to go out with Madonna,

and we used to go over to Madonna's house."

And she goes, "This one time,

the four of us were

over at Madonna's house,

and we were all f***ed up on drugs,

and one thing led to another..."

And then I went, "Shut the f*** up!"

And she went, "What?"

I said, "I know what 'one

thing led to another' means!

You all started f***ing each other!"

And she went, "We did. We

started..." "Just shut up!"

And she goes, "What do you care for?"

I said, "You're the mother of my child!

I don't wanna picture you being

f***ed by a 7'2" NBA player

while you're licking out

Madonna's muscular vagina

and Dennis Rodman is in the corner

stroking his tattooed cock, going..."

And she goes, "Oh, you're being silly.

What do you care for?

You've partied way more

than I have in my life."

And I went, "That is not true.

I've gotten wasted way more than you have,

but I have, in no way,

partied way more than you have.

Often, I get wasted just by myself.

I wouldn't call it a party."

For most of my career, I was

a struggling comedian, right?

And this is how struggling

comedians party, right?

It's 5:
00 a.m., Monday, right?

We're in a one-bedroom apartment.

Seven of us are standing

around a coffee table,

trying to stretch out two grams of coke.

One of us is at the end of the

table giving conspiracy theories...

and the rest of us are talking

about where women might be.

One of us has come up with a plan.

The plan goes like this,

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Jim Jefferies: BARE" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 12 Jun 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jim_jefferies:_bare_11292>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Jim Jefferies: BARE

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.