Jen Kirkman: Just Keep Livin? Page #3

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[audience laughing, then cheering]

Thank you.

Which is an ancient chant from the Buddha.

So... But then I thought...

My adrenaline's going, I'm shaking.

And I went, "Holy sh*t, all this happened

and I meditated today.

What if I hadn't, you know?"

[audience laughs]

And just a little lesson for you guys,

do not call a woman crazy

unless you wanna see a woman

go f***ing crazy, okay? Just don't.

Save yourselves. If you wanna see...

If you wanna tell a woman she's crazy,

just call her calm.

It'll just throw us off

and the whole thing's dissipated. Just go,

"Hey, you're being really calm right now."

"Oh, thank you. A psychic told me

I was calm once. Thanks.

What were we fighting about?

I didn't even know."

So... I'm driving and I'm like:

"Okay, just calm down.

Adrenaline's coming down."

I get to the next stoplight.

This stoplight never changes.

The guy is there again and I'm like,

"Okay, don't start anything, Jen.

Stay in your lane

and, literally, do not be or seem crazy."

So, I put on some music

and I'm bopping around happy as can be.

"Look at me, I'm not crazy at all.

I wasn't just screaming,

'I meditated, motherf***er.'

I am fun and happy."

And he's kind of looking at me

and he yells into my car,

"Hey... sorry about your mom."

And I'm like,

"Oh, f***, I forgot my mom died."

And so, you know...

I suddenly get real upset, I go:

"Oh, I know, it's been a tough morning.

So much paperwork."

What? I don't know... What is...?

Why would there be paperwork so soon,

an hour?

If it's real,

she lives in Boston, I live in L.A.,

she died an hour ago, there's paperwork,

have a fax machine

that's like, "Someone died, come on,"

you know.

And so, he looks at me and goes,

"Well, love, we got kind of heated,

but I hope you have a good day

whatever you're doing."

And I'm like, "You, too, man."

And he drives off and I start sobbing.

I'm like, "Oh, my God.

So full of emotion, you know. I don't know

if it's just my mom or just... I...

It just kind of... You know, I've talked

to two people this morning already

and I would never do that,

but that's the meditation,

it brings us together.

It's so powerful."

So, then I parked the car.

I'm no longer crying, or passionate,

or crazy,

or condescending because I'm meditating.

And I walk in into this meeting,

introduce myself, we have a chitchat,

they're gonna pay me,

I'm gonna do the job, I nailed it.

I'm like,

"I shouldn't be allowed to do that.

I should not be allowed to act normal

'cause I was acting like a maniac."

How come they don't have to know

what I was doing.

You're allowed into a building

and be whatever you want

even though you were screaming.

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