Jen Kirkman: Just Keep Livin? Page #4

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I can't believe we do that, but we do.

I'm like, "But registered sex offenders

don't get to do that."

I feel like, I should...

When I get crazy like that,

I should be treated

like a registered sex offender.

Like, they have to go door-to-door.

"I'm your neighbor.

I have things in my past."

Like, I should have go to a meeting,

like, "Hello, I'm a nice person,

but I just screamed, 'I meditated today, '

in the middle of the road and..."

But I got away with it.

It's like...

If you've ever been going to a party

and you're in the car with your partner

and just... You hate them and you're like:

"That outfit doesn't match.

What's so funny is you talk

about how much you love your mom

and she used to put you in these outfits.

She f***ing sucked

at teaching you how to dress.

Oh, yeah, I am gonna start in on your mom.

Oh, yeah, I am. Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, no. No, don't even... No, no, no.

Know what?

I wanna go to this party for five minutes

and I don't wanna look at you.

They're my friends, not yours."

Then you walk in, "Hey,

I brought muffins," and you're like...

You wanna stay all night.

"Aren't we having fun?"

He's in the corner

and your friends are like:

"Isn't she great?"

And he's like, "She's f***ing great."

And you get back in the car

and you forget about the fight from before

and you're like,

"Weren't those muffins great? I'm great."

And he's just looking at you like,

"Shut up. I know who you really are."

[sighs]

I know you can probably sense

I'm a bit of a badass. Um...

Not... I don't mean because of that story,

but you can tell I have a tattoo.

I know you can.

Um...

I have... Not everyone gets one, you know.

There's badasses

and the rest of you and, um...

But I have a tattoo

and I'm only gonna have one.

I think the whole tattoo thing

is a lot like kids.

Like, first of all, some people want one,

some people want none,

some people want a bunch, like...

And it's all over their arms

and it looks like a lot of work. But...

But you go to a place, you lay down,

there's a lot of pain and you're like:

"God, I hope I love it. It is permanent."

So...

So, I'm having a tattoo

instead of a child.

And... So, for me,

I'm one of the one-and-doner types.

So, you know that my tattoo

has to be very meaningful, right? If...

If you've ever thought about getting

a tattoo, you think about it for a while.

"I don't wanna get something dumb. I have

to have something that means something."

And I've been waiting my whole life

to find something succinct

that means something

that I can put on my body permanently.

I thought of something

a couple of years ago and I was like:

"Don't do it, give it another year

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