Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa .5 Page #3

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I'm talking about chicks,

you're talking about cigarettes.

We got a whole different

way of looking at things.

I bet you won't knock that I bet you

won't knock that cigar out of his hand.

See, he's trying to start fights.

- No, no.

- Yes, yes, you are.

Which I like. I like that.

- You're a sh*t-starter.

- No, I'm just saying...

You're a sh*t-starter, I like that.

But you smashed his cigarette, man!

I was doing... He's a handsome

man, why would he smoke?

He was nice enough to give you a cigarette,

and you stepped on it and smashed it!

And I wanted to do him a favor.

Jeez Louise. Now I'm the bad guy.

Sitters was a form of mark that

we would use pretty frequently,

'cause it would just be like,

if we wanted someone to be

sod of a captive audience,

you know, I could find

somebody where it's like,

"Hey, my grandpa just sits at this

fountain. I know he's so lonely.

"Could I have you just, like,

"go up and act like

you weren't hired by me

"to go just talk with him,

"and just sit and talk with him

for, like, an hour or something?"

Well, hello, good-looking.

- How you doing?

- I'm doing good.

Good.

I lucked out getting the only dry

bench in the park, it seems.

Right, you did, you really did.

If we hired a babysitter

to babysit Irving,

I could talk to that person as long

as I want and say whatever I wanted,

'cause they had to be there,

they were paid.

- I'm no different than any other man...

- Right.

With two arms, two legs

and 14-inch balls.

Right, right, right.

Throaty smell. Like, a deeper...

I'd like to hog-wrench

that spatouli.

I should be eating at the

nappy kitchen every night.

I mean, you're exactly right.

But the problem with the babysitters

was you kinda got this sort of stilted,

these people felt unnaturally

staying there.

They weren't giving

big enough reactions,

'cause they were

sod of unnaturally there.

I was the Robin Hood of poontang.

Friar F***. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But we did do some funny

things with the babysitters.

We thought, while I'm getting out

story points about the movie

with this babysitter,

how about if we have

Charlie run by.

Charlie's our stunt coordinator.

And he's playing an actor,

she doesn't know him, I do,

and I challenged him to a footrace,

and in the midst of the

footrace, I trip him

and steal his wallet.

And she has to help me conceal

that I had stolen the wallet

from him and anybody else.

You shouldn't have tripped him.

- Why did you trip him?

- Look at this. I got his wallet.

- No, you didn't.

- I got his wallet.

- No, you didn't.

- Yeah.

- No, you did not steal his wallet.

- Yes, I got it. Yeah.

You have to give it back to him.

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