Jackass: The Lost Tapes Page #4

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MAN 2:
That was disgusting.

That was so sick.

(SlNGlNG)

Hi, Oompa Loompa.

Thanks, buddy.

-My name is Richard.

-Richard?

MAN 1:
Put some sh*t on his nose.

MAN 2:
F*** this...

(LAUGHlNG)

MAN 1:
Dude, you...

MAN 2:
I was trying to get in on the party.

So we're in Knoxville, Tennessee,

outside of Eddie's Auto Parts.

Now, the owner is a friend

of my father's named Eddie Harvey.

He's got a really short temper,

and we're gonna send Dimitry in there

with a Russian accent

to see how long it takes him to get hot.

DlMlTRY:
Who is Eddie? I need help.

-DlMlTRY:
You Eddie?

-You need a tape?

DlMlTRY:
No, I need help, we say.

My car, she break, down street.

You want the mechanic?

DlMlTRY:
No. Eddie.

MAN:
That's Eddie.

DlMlTRY:
Who's Eddie? You're Eddie?

I need spark plug or something.

-DlMlTRY:
How much?

-I ain't charging you nothing.

I said I was gonna give it to you.

DlMlTRY:
I need more.

What if break again?

-One, one to a customer.

-DlMlTRY:
Come on, you give me free,

but it's free headache.

I got $1, but I need more than one.

I give you $4 for two.

You give me three more dollars

or you're...out of luck.

DlMlTRY:
I have rubles.

You take rubles? I bring you dollars.

DlMlTRY:
Dude, he didn't get mad at all.

-Nothing happened.

-What did he say?

He was gonna let me walk out of there

with four spark plugs for $1.

Go back in and try to get him hotter.

DlMlTRY:
Okay, I find money.

You give me spark plug.

I need... You sell engine?

Maybe new engine I need.

Yeah, well, I don't know what you need.

I can't understand. I'm not...

Hell, I can't understand nothing

but the damn English language.

I don't know nothing about...

(DlMlTRY SPEAKlNG RUSSlAN)

It won't start, hell, put some gas in it.

You're probably out of gas.

-DlMlTRY:
Okay, give me some gas.

-What have you been used to,

running a damn bicycle,

riding a bicycle all the time?

-DlMlTRY:
No, it's car, four wheels.

-Hell, when you get in a car,

-you got to put gas in them.

-DlMlTRY:
Okay, give me gas...

-Pound, one pound of gas.

-Gas don't come by the...damn pound.

It comes by the gallon.

You want a gallon of gas...

-What is it? You want a gallon of gas...

-DlMlTRY:
I need to go 50 kilometres.

How much gas I need?

(PHONE RlNGS)

Pick up phone. I pick up.

Hello, Eddie Auto. How I help you?

I sue you.

MAN:
Well, get

your ass out of here, then.

A dead man can't sue nobody.

DlMlTRY:
What you talk, "A dead man"?

Where you going?

-A dead man can't sue you for nothing...

-DlMlTRY:
Come on, help me.

What, you gonna hit me?

You can't hit me.

I'm gonna hit you, by God, if you stand

right there where I can reach you.

DlMlTRY:
Here, reach me. You can't

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