Jackass: The Lost Tapes Page #5

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hit me. You can't hit me, come on.

-You need to help me with car.

-Put your damn hand out there.

-DlMlTRY:
You're too slow.

-Put it out there.

DlMlTRY:
Hello, Eddie, Eddie.

Help me, Eddie.

I sit on chair till you come start car.

-No, a chair, I need chair.

-Get your ass out of here.

DlMlTRY:
No, I need... I take this chair.

-...damn it.

-I need chair.

-Get the...out of here.

-I need chair.

-I'm not...

-I need chair.

-You little...

-Start car. I take bat.

-Now, get out the damn door.

-I need start car.

-Get out the door!

-Who are you? You're not Eddie.

I call police on you,

Eddie and no-name friend.

-Get the hell out of here.

-DlMlTRY:
I need you start my car.

You start my car.

Come on.

You start car.

Come on, what, you gonna get me?

You stupid son of a b*tch.

You want me to come down there?

Hi, I'm Steve-O.

I'm somewhere in Louisiana.

Right now, I'm about

to get my ass kicked by crawfish.

MAN 1:
How bad do these hurt

when they get a good pinch on you?

MAN 2:
Well, depends on

if you get one like that one.

MAN 2:
See how its claw's like that?

STEVE-O:
Whoa, dude, yeah.

We didn't feed them for three days,

so they'd be hungry.

MAN 1:
That's gonna feel kind of funny

going down your pants.

It's not gonna get worse, dude.

This is probably gonna be the equivalent

of doing a Pete Rose slide

through fricking thorn bushes.

MAN 3:
See, that's about what they do.

They really don't let go.

MAN 1:
That thing's gonna kill you.

And this is the crawfish diaper.

MAN 1:
And some in the front.

Are they biting?

(SCREAMS)

Where? Where's he biting?

He's clamped on to my butt cheek, dude.

(SCREAMlNG CONTlNUES)

Okay, I think I'm done, man.

MAN 1:
They almost bit you

on Your Name, dude. What do you think?

I think that sucked.

As soon as Kosick

comes out of the pharmacy,

he's gonna get antiqued by Ehren.

Bastard's on crutches, too.

RlCK:
F***.

MAN:
He's so pissed.

-He's just so angry.

-Can't turn your f***ing face

for one second.

MAN:
Oh, my God.

EHREN:
I just got to do...

I just got to do... I...

Going to play a little golf today.

MAN:
Hey, bub. Hey, no, no, no, no.

JOHNNY:
One second, one second.

I'm swinging.

MAN 1:
Hey, bub.

Hey, bub, you've gotta take

them golf clubs and them balls

-and go somewhere else.

-Well, I got to practise my shots.

Then you're gonna have

to go somewhere else to do it.

-The driving range isn't open today.

-Well, this is not a driving range, bub.

This is a miniature golf course.

Well, I know,

but I got to practise my swings.

-Hey, bub, hey.

-Watch out, watch out, watch out!

-Here, you need to...

-No, no, no, those are expensive clubs.

-You need to take these clubs...

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