Identity Thief Page #5

Synopsis: Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) gets a nice call confirming his name and other identifying information. The next thing he knows, a spa in Florida is reminding him of his appointment and his credit cards are maxed out. With his identity stolen, Sandy leaves his wife, kids and job to literally bring the thief to justice in Colorado. Keeping tabs on the other Sandy (Melissa McCarthy) and run-ins with bounty hunters is harder than he was expecting, and ultimately the cross-country trip is going to find both Sandys learning life tips from one another.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Seth Gordon
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 win & 9 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
35
Rotten Tomatoes:
19%
R
Year:
2013
111 min
$134,455,175
Website
4,192 Views


You go down, you go get her?

Oh, no, we don't go get anyone.

Let me walk you out.

See, we're Denver PD.

All we do is open and close the case.

Now, if she buys something on Amazon,

then Seattle PD would investigate.

Your mobile company's in Ohio,

then Cleveland PD handles that.

Then so on and so forth

for every single theft.

Well, hang on. How long does all this take?

About six months to a year.

A year?

Yeah. So why don't you go ahead

and just leave your contact information

with this gentleman here?

You might want to hold on to this mug shot

in case you may need it.

Great. Okay.

Listen, I'm gonna need this solved

a whole lot quicker than a year, Detective.

Okay, listen, I understand

that this is really frustrating for you,

but our percentage rate

in solving these cases is pretty high.

Yeah? How many?

About 5% to 10%.

That's garbage.

We'll be in touch with you, Sandy.

- Hi, I'm Sandy...

- Mr. Patterson.

- I know who you are. I'm Jessica.

- Hi.

Welcome.

Anything you need, just ask.

Your office is right over there.

Office. Nice to meet you.

- Patterson?

- Sorry.

I had a hell of a morning.

- Listen to this.

- Can you explain this to me?

What do you got?

These are e-mails I received

from a couple of prospective clients.

No, no, no.

You defaulted on six credit cards?

- No, I didn't, actually.

- You did.

- No.

- You have nine other delinquencies.

This is what my morning's been all about.

Your credit score's a 240. A 240!

There are homeless people

with better numbers than that, Sandy.

Dude, you have a warrant

out for your arrest.

This is a financial institution.

How am I supposed to give you access

to $5 billion in funds?

My identity's been stolen.

I was at the police station all morning.

Don't worry about it, though.

I'm gonna get on the phone,

I'm going to clean it up.

They can run my credit tomorrow

and it's gonna be fine, okay?

What the f*** is this?

- Those are cops!

- That's my guy.

This is the detective

that's handling my case.

Hi. I was just

filling my boss in on our situation.

Did you find her?

Do you have some good news?

No, I'm sorry,

we don't have any good news.

Soon after you left,

we got a call from Orlando Metro.

They just busted a narcotics dealer

named Paolo Gordon.

Your name and your credit cards

turned up in connection

with the investigation.

Ah! This...

One of my colleagues spoke

to your former employer, Mr. Harold Cornish.

Yeah.

And he said that, in fact,

you are a drug dealer.

That's... He's a f***ing liar.

I've got a warrant to search the premises.

- For drugs.

- Oh.

And guns.

And guns.

- This is a waste of time.

- I understand.

It's not me, it's the woman in the picture.

Rate this script:2.3 / 3 votes

Craig Mazin

Craig Mazin (born April 8, 1971) is an American screenwriter and film director. He is known for writing Identity Thief, The Hangover Part II, The Hangover Part III, and The Huntsman: Winter's War. He is currently working on a five-part miniseries for HBO and Sky based on the Chernobyl disaster. Mazin co-hosts the Scriptnotes podcast alongside fellow screenwriter John August. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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