Ideal Home Page #4

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I told you a dozen times,

I don't know.

Kid! K...

Should I call the police?

[Erasmus] No, it's okay,

they're all here. They're safe.

No, not because of your

kachina doll collection.

- Because the kid is missing.

- Oh. Paul.

[Erasmus] Maybe one of us

should take the car into town

- and have a look around.

- Meaning me?

Well, one of us

has got to stay here.

Meaning you?

[whispers]

Erasmus.

[sighs]

Thank God.

I need a drink.

Oh, God.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

- [groans]

- It's okay.

You gave us a scare, kid.

Get away from me, you fag.

[door opens]

[Paul]

So what'd the lawyer say?

Nothing, really, just that

the father is in custody,

the mother is dead,

and they're gonna send

someone round

from Social Services.

We can't have a kid.

We don't like kids.

Stop calling him a kid.

He's a child. A kid a baby goat.

I'd rather have a baby goat.

Baby goats are cute.

Baby goats won't come and visit

you when you're old and lonely.

Besides, didn't you organize

that Mexican

children charity

or something?

Look, I love helping

children in the abstract,

but I don't want one

in the house.

Hmm.

Well, at any rate, we have

to send it to school.

- Really?

- Yeah, it's the law.

And it gets him out

of the house for the day.

[]

Hello.

Oh, hello.

We would like to enroll

this young man.

All right.

And what is his name?

Would you excuse us,

please?

Oh, I see you've discovered

one of my favorite contraptions.

These are such fun.

Let's have a look.

Hmm. You might want to vary

your expression a bit.

Scoot along.

Join in with me if you like.

I like to do one happy...

one angry...

one silly...

and one just looking off

into the middle distance,

thinking

about something.

[sighs]

Now we've got

a bit of an awkward wait.

Oh, look at those.

We're hilarious.

What would you like

to do now?

[]

[scanner beeping]

Having a party?

No.

And where have you been?

Ugh. In the editing room.

Trying to make something viable

out of your insane

on-camera ramblings.

Paul, do you know that

huge store called Way Mart

or Mall Mart,

something on Cirrillos?

Yeah, of course. It's owned

by some crazy conservatives.

You shouldn't shop there.

I thought it was nirvana.

Everything was so inexpensive.

The effect was intoxicating.

As intoxicating as that

giant tumbler of tequila?

Yes.

But in a different way.

- [Paul] He should be in bed.

- Why?

Because it's 2:
00

in the morning.

He doesn't have school

in the morning.

I know, because

we haven't enrolled him

because we don't know

his name.

Have a tequila.

Oh. I'm so tired.

Oh. I'm so tired.

[Erasmus and boy laugh]

Hey, kid.

I know you're having fun,

but it's very late.

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