How to Make Love Like an Englishman Page #4

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Someone to see the world

with, have a laugh with.

Maybe even start a family with.

Good god, man,

you've fallen for that

little slice of American pie.

Dad.

Now you listen to me,

this might be the most important

bit of advice that

I ever give you.

American women may be fun in

Victoria Secret when you

first met 'em. But as soon as

they get their claws into you,

they stop f***ing

and start eating.

And the only ass you're

gonna get is a fat one!

Why'd I open my mouth?

American women invariably

become spouters of self-help

attitudes, addicted to designer

labels, dieting and frozen

yogurt. Overall, thoroughly

nasty selfish, vain creatures.

That don't f***!

Thank you for

your fatherly advice.

Good night, Joan!

(Gordon) Bugger off, then!

See if I care!

Kate! Kate!

Screw Cambridge!

I'm in.

- Really?

- Really.

- Really?

- Yes.

Welcome to the world, Jakey.

It's a beautiful world.

Ooh.

Do you need the booby now?

Do you want the booby?

Yes, he's a boy

after my own heart.

Okay, family.

Here we go.

Here you are, Jakey.

Welcome home.

A modest 'little house'

your granddad bought your

mom out of guilt.

Don't fall in the pool.

(Kate) I won't.

You probably will

never meet anyway,

he has a very bad habit

of never showing up.

(Kate) Hey.

All right.

Oh, I'm gonna call Livvy.

Can you take the baby?

Sure.

- Okay.

Okay.

I know it's easier to read the

critics and the Cliff notes,

but forget about them.

Read the poems.

Put the time in.

After all, nothing

will come of nothing.

What was that from? Hm?

(Camera clicks)

Anyone?

Hey, there you go!

(Daryl) Yeah, I'm having

trouble getting on the WiFi.

What's the password again?

I think

they're all on Prozac.

(Angela) Did you hear

from the university yet?

Um, no, they

went with the other guy.

(Angela) I told you

to kiss ass more.

Angela, please.

Well, I'm sure something

will open up soon at ULA.

Yeah, well, one

can only hope, can't one?

In the meantime, I'm

glad that you're still

slumming it here with us.

You city college lot

don't pull any punches, do you?

We will go sixteen

rounds with anyone.

Bring it on.

(Loud car horn)

Arsehole.

(Jake) A**hole.

Never let me hear

you say that word, Jake.

The word is arsehole,

not a**hole.

Can you say arsehole?

- A**hole.

- Yes, elongate the 'A'.

There we go.

I'll get them.

I'll get them.

Oh, where-

Momma.

No, Momma's at work.

She'll be back later.

Momma.

No, that's Hummer.

Hummer.

Hah, well done.

Hummer.

(Kate) Pull over.

(Brian) What? I can't-

- Pull over! Pull over!

Listen to this voicemail.

(Richard) I thought he was

saying 'Momma', then I realized

he was pointing at one of those

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