
How to Make Love Like an Englishman
- Year:
- 2014
- 72 Views
(Richard) It's important
you understand:
it's not you, it's me.
What we have is so special.
I love you more than I can say.
But I'm sorry.
Truly.
Because- I fucked up.
Look...
I owe you an explanation.
But honestly, I don't
know where to begin.
Maybe there...
at the beginning.
You see, I grew up
above a great party.
(Music plays)
(Loud moaning)
(Woman) Oh, Gordon!
(Young Richard) Mummy?
(Gordon) She's-
she's in the kitchen.
Just what are you doing?
I'm waiting for
your mother to bring
out the hors d'oeuvres.
Now bugger off.
(Richard) After school,
I used to love to listen
to my father lecture.
(Gordon) Now the faculty would
have me teach it was Wordsworth,
Keats and Coleridge who,
defined the Romantic Age.
And they've told
me to ignore Byron.
'Mad, bad, and dangerous to
know' was how one of his many
lovers described him.
He was controversial.
Now did you know, this esteemed
establishment told Byron that
he wasn't allowed to bring
his beloved dogs to college.
So he said 'screw the rules. '
He went out and he
bought himself a bear.
Brought it to class
on a chain and leash,
tied it up to that
very pipe just there.
So, you see, it was Byron
which wasn't about love.
It was about going your own way.
Defying authority and
following your heart.
Sticking it to the man and
as many women as possible.
Now that's- that is Romantic!
(Laughter)
And if the faculty don't
like me saying so, well,
they can take this job and
they can shove it. Because like
Mr. Bob Dylan, I ain't gonna
work on Maggie's Farm no more!
(Cheering)
(Richard) Dad hated authority...
and everyone loved him for it.
All I wanted was to
be just like him.
Forget the critics.
Let them have their opinions.
and brag about them at tedious
faculty parties, and let
university librarians
The faculty
has called this class:
'The Romantics
and Literary Theory'.
I want you all to forget the
second half of this sentence.
There's nothing theoretical
about the Romantics.
Where true love burns, desire
is love's pure passion.
It is the reflex
of our earthly frame
that takes its meaning
from the nobler parts,
and but translates the
language of the heart.
(Kate) Wakey, wakey,
Professor Haig.
Oh, shit...
it's Saturday, isn't it?
Now don't look like that.
Are you sure about this?
I mean, I make a terrible
first impression.
Will you relax, Richard?
My dad is gonna love you.
Really?
Yeah, you'll
have lots to talk about.
Yeah, corporate,
hard-nosed raider meets
libidinous Lit professor.
It's a match made in heaven.
I just want my dad to
meet the wonderful man
I've been dating for
the last six months.
Six months?
Broke your
record, didn't I?
- Done what?
- Easy.
Love is begun by time,
and time qualifies the
spark and fire of it all.
Relax. You're still
very sparky, darling.
Really sparky, I mean-
Well, my Liege, I must hie me
to Heathrow, thou to London.
Chimes of six o'clock sharp.
- Sure. Of course.
- Sharp.
Sharp. six o'clock. Chimes.
(Olivia) Sal, I've got to go.
Why? Because we've
been talking for so long,
I've lost track of
time, space and myself.
(Sal) Hello, Olivia?
(Doorman) Not to worry,
madam, I'll call maintenance.
We'll fish it out later.
(Sal) Are you there?
Can you hear me?
- Please don't.
- Hello?
Olivia?
(Cell phone vibrates)
Hoopla!
There you go.
Are they fishing your
phone out of the drain?
(Olivia) No, I told them not to.
I am cutting myself
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"How to Make Love Like an Englishman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 8 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/how_to_make_love_like_an_englishman_10311>.