How to Get Ahead in Advertising Page #5

most girls love being on the pill.

What utter balls, Jonathan.

Do you think women like

filling their bodies with chemicals?

- We're talking about eels, darling.

- Yes, it is most extraordinary.

Apparently, by the year 2000,

the level of oestrogen in the sea

will be as much as two parts per million.

So many women taking the pill, you see.

The problem is,

it's starting to mess up the fish.

- They're breeding in the sea.

- I thought fish did.

Not eels, darling. Eels breed in rivers.

I think men should bleed.

What a disgusting thing to say!

You find bleeding disgusting, do you?

Not particularly.

Just the way you said it.

That horrible sneer

and mouth full of nuts.

Darling, Penny is our guest.

Women, I might inform you,

take that primitive device called the pill

because it's all they've got.

They don't like it.

I personally abhor it.

But, unfortunately, it's all we've got.

- In what context?

- In the context of bed.

I'm surprised you need to bother.

Cointreau, anyone?

Darling, I know you're having

a very difficult time at the moment,

and I know you've had rather a lot

to drink and didn't mean what you said.

But Penny is our guest

and I'd like you to apologise.

He doesn't need to apologise. Those kinds

of sexist attitudes are beyond apology.

What do you mean by that?

Do you really think I don't understand?

You dislike me because I'm not one

of those starved little tarts you exploit.

I don't rush out

and buy your latest makeup.

I have a mind of my own.

And I have a body of my own

that doesn't fit into the preconceived

patterns men like you dictate.

- You mean you're fat.

- Yes, I'm fat!

And you're perfectly at liberty

to hate me for it.

You're quite wrong.

I don't dislike you because of that.

I wouldn't care if you were so huge

we had to put up scaffolding to feed you.

Oh, for God's sake,

let's not have a row.

- Why not? Why shouldn't we have a row?

- Because nobody wants one!

- You're being completely irrational.

- Irrational?

We're all prepared to sit here

discussing mung beans and soya protein,

but if anybody touches on

anything real, it's irrational?

Right, then, you're being rude.

Unutterably rude and a bore!

- Bagley, come and have a drink.

- I've had a drink, thank you.

Now I'm going to have another.

- Do you wear Y-fronts?

- Don't tell him.

I think you're contemptible.

And I think you are a vegan

who eats meat in secret.

- See? She's a meat-eating vegan.

- I do not eat meat!

But you'll eat fish

till the cows come home.

- Don't argue with him.

- Fish is allowed!

Including eels? Eels full of oestrogen?

If it's buggering the eels,

think what it's doing to you.

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