Hooligans Page #3

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he can have a wank faster than you.

- Come on.

- Think about it.

I just don't get it.

What is it with you Americans?

You start a f***ing war, bottle it,

then we have to come save your arse again.

- Save our ass?

- Yes.

On top of that, you kill half our soldiers

in friendly fire.

- That's called an accident.

- Yeah, accident my arse.

- All right?

- All right, Dunham?

Look, we're sort of

going into my place of business, right?

Shut up and you might have

a better run of things.

Only thing regarded worse than a Yank

around here are coppers and journalists.

- What have you got against journalists?

- How long have you got?

They're lying f***ing scum

who'll write anything just to fill papers.

Not your old man, of course.

He's the exception maybe.

These boys don't know about your old man.

If I was you, I'd keep it that way.

Another thing.

What you hear in here stays in here, all right?

No blabbing to brother Steve

about who said what.

What happens at football stays at football.

All right?

Yeah, all right.

Let's have some fun. It's football day!

All right, Pete.

- Aye aye!

- [Cheering]

- How's it going?

- Good, yeah, good. All right, boys?

This is Matt, Shannon's brother. Ned.

- Nice to meet you.

- Dave. Swill.

- Hello, mate.

- Ike.

- And the one with the dodgy haircut's Keith.

- Hey, Keith.

- I'll get the drinks in, then.

- Does that mean I'm getting the drinks in?

Every f***ing time. Every f***ing time.

- Where's Bovver?

- He's been in the toilet for 15 minutes.

- Dodgy Ruby or something.

- Look, he looks lost.

Ruby Murray means curry.

We call it cockney rhyming slang.

Slang. Yeah, like bees and honey for money.

- Struggle and grunt for c*nt!

- Why'd you go there?

- Like septic tank for Yank.

- Bovver.

- Bov.

- How you doing? All right?

This is Matt, Shannon's brother.

Hey.

That's the proper... He don't give a f***.

- He don't give a f***.

- Mate, he's practically family.

Ah, mate, it's f***ing painful.

Bov's a miserable c*nt,

but we love him dearly, don't we?

- Sometimes.

- Like a f***ing brother.

- Grab these last two pints.

- Get some salted peanuts.

- Sure.

- Bov, come on.

- He's all right, man.

- What's with all the f***ing babysitting?

- You know we had a meet set up for today.

- I'll stay out the way.

- It's not like we didn't have it last night.

- What? That's not the bloody point, is it?

We look like right mugs

if our fearless leader don't show

'cause he's playing

pin the tail on the f***ing Yank.

He's right. He's got a point.

You let me worry about that, all right, boys?

As for the Yank, he's too modest to tell you,

but back in the States he's an internationally

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