Hollywood Sex Wars Page #3

AAH.

WHERE DOES IT HURT?

IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.

YEAH.

UH, HEY, MAN, I KNOW

HOW YOU CAN HELP US OUT.

ALL RIGHT, NAME IT.

WHY DON'T YOU TEACH US

HOW TO GET WITH CHICKS

LIKE THAT?

SERIOUSLY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS

COME BY LATER,

AND WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

Max:
AND JUST LIKE THAT,

JOHNNY EYELASH AGREED

TO BE OUR DRILL INSTRUCTOR.

COME ON, BABY.

WHICH IS GOOD...

MAN, YOUR ASS AIN' EVEN HURT, MAN.

...BECAUSE ACROSS TOWN...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE

TO THE FEMALES:

OF THE T.O.B.

OF AMERICA:

AND TO THE METHODS

BY WHICH IT STANDS,

WITH MANIPULATION,

WITH HOT BODS,

IRRESISTIBLE,

WITH LUXURY:

FOR JUST US,

THAT'S ALL!

( cheering )

OKAY, FIRST,

WELCOME, EVERYONE,

AND A SPECIAL HELLO

TO OUR NEW PROSPECTS,

YVONNE AND COURTNEY.

Women:
HI.

WE REALLY HOPE:

THAT YOU'RE GONNA LIKE

WHAT WE'RE ABOUT.

AND A BIG KISS TO LYRIC,

WHO, AS OF LAST WEEK,

IS A FULL TASSEL SISTER.

( cheering )

YEAH!

SO, WHAT? YOU GUYS

CAN'T GET GIRLFRIENDS?

WE DON'T WANT GIRLFRIENDS.

WE WANT TO BANG HOT CHICKS

LIKE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I'M LISTENIN'.

AND PLUS, MAN,

WE MADE A PAC IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YEAH, WHEN WE WERE 15.

OH, OHH, MY GOD. HO.

MAN, WHEN WE GET OLDER,

WE GONNA BANG CHICKS

LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME.

DEFINITELY. OH.

I MEAN, WE DO OKAY

WITH THE AVERAGE CHICKS,

BUT THOSE, LIKE, SUPER-DUPER

BOMB HOLLYWOOD CHICKS, MAN...

MAN, THEY DON'T EVEN F***

WITH US.

YEAH,

THEY IGNORE US, MAN.

OR MAKE JOKES.

AND IT'S NOT GETTING

ANY EASIER, MAN.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

T.O.B. CLUB.

I'VE HEARD ABOUT THIS.

SEE, WOMEN ARE NATURALLY

MORE DEVIOUS,

BUT IT'S THAT BITCHINESS

THAT USUALLY DIVIDES THEM

AND GIVES US GUY AN ANGLE.

DUDE, YOU SHOULD HAVE

SEEN THE TITS:

ON THE GIRLS:

THAT LEFT THAT WITH ME.

NOW THEY'RE GETTING ORGANIZED.

THIS DOESN'T BODE WELL.

REGULAR GUYS LIKE YOU

DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

THAT'S WHY WE

NEED YOUR HELP.

DUDE, COME ON,

JUST PASS ON YOUR WISDOM.

YOU GOTTA HELP US OUT,

MAN.

WHAT THE F***

DOES "BODE" MEAN?

LOOK AT THESE FREAKS,

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,

RELAX, JESUS.

ALL RIGHT,

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

ABOUT THESE HOT CHICKS

YOU'RE SO SCARED OF.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS.

YOUR AVERAGE HOLLYWOOD BABE.

NICE, RIGHT?

YOU TAKE AWAY THE HAIR...

THE IMPLANTS...

THE LIPO...

THE STRAPPY SHOES,

CUTE LITTLE DRESS,

OH, AND THE MAKEUP...

AND THIS IS:

WHAT YOU'RE LEFT WITH.

NOT PARTICULARLY

ATTRACTIVE.

NOT THAT SMART,

NOT THAT INTERESTING--

BASICALLY SOMEONE

IN YOUR OWN LEAGUE.

THAT'S THE WAY YOU GOTTA

THINK ABOUT 'EM, GUYS.

I SWEAR TO GOD,

BEFORE LONG,

YOU'LL BE A GODDAMN

HUMAN SHISH KABOB.

DUDE, THAT'S HARSH.

I SWEAR,

IT'S AS IF YOU HATE THEM.

MAN, I DON'T HATE 'EM...

ANY MORE THAN A LION

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