Heathers Page #5

Last night we both

said things we didn't mean.

Did we?

How did you get in?

Um... Veronica knew

you'd have a hangover

so, uh, I whipped this up for you.

It's a family recipe.

What, you put a phlegm globber in it?

I'm not going to drink that piss.

I knew this stuff'd be too intense for her.

Intense.

Grow up.

You think I'll drink it

just because you call me chicken?

Just give me the cup, jerk.

Corn nuts.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it.

I just killed my best friend.

And your worst enemy.

Same difference.

What are we going to tell the cops?

"F*** it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

Cops.

I can't believe this is my life.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to have to send

my SAT scores

to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

All right, just a little freaked, here.

At least you got what you wanted.

Got what I wanted?

It's one thing to want

somebody out of your life,

it's another thing to serve them

a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

All right, we did a murder

and that's a crime,

but if this were like

a suicide thing, you know?

Like a suicide thing?

Yeah, yeah.

You can do Heather's handwriting

as well as your own, right?

Right?

- Yeah.

- All right.

You might think what I've done is shocking?

Yeah.

Um...

to me, though,

suicide is the natural answer

to the myriad of problems

life has given me.

That's good but Heather

would never use the word myriad.

This is the last thing she'll ever write,

she'll want to use

as many 50-cent words as possible.

She missed myriad

on the vocab test two weeks ago.

That only proves my point more.

The word is a badge

for her failures at school.

Oh. OK, you're probably right.

People think just because

you're beautiful and popular,

life is easy and fun.

- Yeah.

- Uh...

no one understood I had feelings too.

I die knowing no one knew the real me.

That's good.

Have you done this before?

Any other principal

would take the same position -

keep things business as usual.

Heather Chandler's

not your everyday suicide.

- She was very popular.

- If I let these kids out before lunch,

the switchboard would light up

like a Christmas tree.

I was impressed that she made proper use

of the word myriad in her suicide note.

I find it profoundly disturbing

that we're told of

the tragic destruction of youth

and all we can think to talk about

is adequate mourning times

and misused vocabulary words.

Oh, Christ!

We must revel in this revealing moment.

Look, I suggest that

we get everybody together,

both students and teachers, in the cafeteria

and just talk and feel...

together.

Thank you, Ms Fleming.

You call me when the shuttle lands.

Now, is this Heather the cheerleader?

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