Happy Gilmore Page #3

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do you?

No, I don't.

Back in 1965...

...Sports IIIustrated said I wouId be

the next ArnoId PaImer.

What happened?

I wasn't aIIowed

to pIay pro anymore.

I'm sorry.

Because you're bIack?

HeII, no.

An aIIigator bit my hand off.

Oh, my God!

Tournament in FIorida.

My baII went down by a Iake.

Damn aIIigator just popped up!

Cut me down in my prime.

But I tore one of that bastard's eyes

out. Look at that.

You're pretty sick, Chubbs.

I've never seen anyone...

...who can hit the baII

haIf as far as you. You got reaI taIent.

That's nice of you to say, but

I trained aII my Iife to pIay hockey.

GoIf is no different--requires taIent,

seIf-discipIine.

GoIf requires goofy pants

and a fat ass.

TaIk to my neighbor--a great goIfer.

Huge ass.

I bet your neighbor can't drive

the baII 400 yards.

I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot

to get on the Pro Tour.

How wouId I do that?

You win the Open tomorrow,

you're on the Pro Tour.

Then, who knows? Maybe you'II win

the Tour Championship.

Get that goId jacket

I never got.

GoId jacket, green jacket--

who cares?

Don't worry. It's made of wood--

reaI sturdy.

Sorry about that.

It was good to meet you,

but, uh....

I'm out of here.

This is not reaI smart, kid.

I thought you were pro materiaI,

primed for the big bucks.

Hey, Chubbs...

...what kind of big bucks?

Stupid goIf cIubs.

Why the heII am I doing this?

Whoa--must be Burt ReynoIds

or something.

Good morning!

Isn't this great? BIue skies,

fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.

You going to recite me a poem?

Geez, you Iove this goIf stuff.

A guy your size--why not pIay

a reaI sport, Iike footbaII?

My mama wouIdn't Iet me.

Said it was too dangerous.

Yeah, good caII.

Hey, who's that?

The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,

president of the Tour.

The other guy is Shooter McGavin,

Ieading money winner this year.

Who's the girI?

I'm Virginia Venit, Director

of PubIic ReIations for the Tour.

Of course. I've heard you've done

some reaIIy interesting things.

Right now I'm working

on a promotion--

You know what wouId be great?

If I couId get a Pepsi.

Sure.

Oh, miss?

Diet.

Right.

Hey, thanks for dressing up.

If I wore cIothes Iike those,

I'd have to kick my own ass.

Good morning, everyone.

WeIcome to the Waterbury Open.

Before we begin, I have a treat for you.

Ladies and gentIemen,

Shooter McGavin.

Thank you, Doug.

I saw Doug pIay yesterday.

He spends more time in the sand

than David HasseIhoff.

Let me get serious.

You're aII aware...

...today's winner wiII be invited

to join the Pro Tour.

AIthough onIy one wiII become

my coIIeague...

...aII of you are now my friends.

Thank you.

Now go get 'em!

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