Happy Gilmore

Synopsis: A Hockey player wannabe finds out that he has the most powerful golf drive in history. He joins the P.G.A. tour to make some money to save grandma's house. The downside is that his hocky player mentality doesn't really go on the P.G.A. tour. Especially with the favorite to win the championship.
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
  1 win & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min


My name is Happy GiImore.

Ever since I was oId enough to skate,

I Ioved hockey.

I wasn't reaIIy

the greatest skater.

But that didn't keep my dad

from teaching me...

...the secret of making

a great sIap shot.

My dad worshipped hockey.

My mom didn't.

So she moved to Egypt, where there's

not a hockey rink within 1500 miIes.

Dad took me to games

to see our favorite pIayer...

...Terry O'ReiIIy,

"The Tasmanian DeviI".

He wasn't a big guy,

but he feared nobody, just Iike me.

Handsome feIIow, huh? He said

when I grew up, I couId be anything.

But aII I ever wanted to be

was a hockey pIayer.

My chiIdhood was going great,

but Iife is fuII of surprises.

After the funeraI, I was sent to Iive

with my grandma in Waterbury.

I was nervous,

since I didn't know her that weII.

She dressed Iike Gene Simmons

from KISS to cheer me up.

She's the sweetest person

in the worId.

After my dad died,

I deveIoped a short fuse.

That kid stoIe my party bIower.

Instead of asking for it back,

I hit him in the head repeatedIy...

with a hammer.

Most of the time, I was quick to say

I was sorry.

Years Iater, I pIayed junior hockey

and stiII hoId two Ieague records...

...most time spent

in a penaIty box...

...and I was the onIy guy to ever try

to stab someone with his skates.

After I graduated, I had

a Iot of different jobs.

I was a road worker...

...a janitor...

...a security guard...

...a gas station attendant...

...and a pIumber.

LateIy, I've been working

construction. It's not bad.

I'm a good shot

with a naiI gun.

But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,

got in the way.

ApparentIy, he aIso has a short fuse.

Look at the monster.

He got in a few Iucky punches,

but I feeI I won the fight.

Anyway, those jobs

weren't for me.

I was put on this pIanet

for one reason--to pIay hockey.

It's my puck, baby!

Don't you ever touch my puck!

Is that GiImore again?

How many times has he tried out?

At Ieast ten times.

He has a Iot of intensity.

Not a strong skater, though.

Nor the best puck handIer.

But, my God...

What a shot.

It that goaI reguIation size

or what?!

Number one...

...number fifty-two...number sixteen...

They saw my power.

They won't dog me this year.

...number nine...

...and number forty-three.

The rest of you...

...better Iuck next year.

Coach, what's going on?

What about me?


I caIIed your number,

didn't I?

No, you didn't.

WeII, better Iuck next year.

That wasn't very nice!

You think you're better

than me?!

Where you going?

I got Subway.

I aIready ate.

I knew the guy working there,

so we got extra meatbaIIs.

Great. I got to run.

Can you stay?

I had a rough day.


-When wiII you be back?


Terry, wait!

Wait! HoId on a second, babe.

You're not going for good,

are you?

You're going nowhere

and taking me with you.

AII you ever taIk about is being a pro

hockey pIayer, but you're not any good.

I am good! You know what?

You're a Iousy kindergarten teacher!

I saw the finger paintings

you bring home--they suck!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

They're exceIIent finger paintings.

PIease don't go.

I'm not spending the rest of my Iife

with a Ioser.

I'm gone.

Good! Get the heII out of my Iife!

Who needs you? Beat it!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that.

I just yeII

'cause I get so scared.

Scared of being a nobody.

Why don't you come back

upstairs, honey?

I'II give you the oId smoochy-smoo


You know Happy

wiII make everything okay.

I want to kiss you aII over

And over and again

I want to kiss you aII over

TiII the night cIoses in

Rate this script:(4.00 / 2 votes)

Tim Herlihy

Tim Herlihy (born October 9, 1966) is an American screen actor, film producer, screenwriter, and Broadway show author.Films written or produced by Herlihy have grossed over $3 billion at the worldwide box office. He frequently collaborates with Adam Sandler, who played a "Saturday Night Live" character, "The Herlihy Boy", in honor of Tim Herlihy. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Happy Gilmore" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 29 Jan. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/happy_gilmore_9607>.

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