
Happy Gilmore
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1996
- 92 min
- 6,143 Views
(4.00 / 2 votes)HAPPY GILMORE:
My name is Happy GiImore.
Ever since I was oId enough to skate,
I Ioved hockey.
I wasn't reaIIy
the greatest skater.
But that didn't keep my dad
from teaching me...
...the secret of making
a great sIap shot.
My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.
So she moved to Egypt, where there's
not a hockey rink within 1500 miIes.
Dad took me to games
to see our favorite pIayer...
...Terry O'ReiIIy,
"The Tasmanian DeviI".
He wasn't a big guy,
but he feared nobody, just Iike me.
Handsome feIIow, huh? He said
when I grew up, I couId be anything.
But aII I ever wanted to be
was a hockey pIayer.
but Iife is fuII of surprises.
After the funeraI, I was sent to Iive
with my grandma in Waterbury.
I was nervous,
since I didn't know her that weII.
She dressed Iike Gene Simmons
She's the sweetest person
in the worId.
After my dad died,
That kid stoIe my party bIower.
Instead of asking for it back,
I hit him in the head repeatedIy...
with a hammer.
Most of the time, I was quick to say
I was sorry.
Years Iater, I pIayed junior hockey
and stiII hoId two Ieague records...
...most time spent
in a penaIty box...
...and I was the onIy guy to ever try
to stab someone with his skates.
After I graduated, I had
a Iot of different jobs.
I was a road worker...
...a janitor...
...a security guard...
...a gas station attendant...
...and a pIumber.
LateIy, I've been working
construction. It's not bad.
I'm a good shot
with a naiI gun.
But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,
got in the way.
ApparentIy, he aIso has a short fuse.
Look at the monster.
He got in a few Iucky punches,
but I feeI I won the fight.
Anyway, those jobs
weren't for me.
I was put on this pIanet
for one reason--to pIay hockey.
It's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!
Is that GiImore again?
How many times has he tried out?
At Ieast ten times.
He has a Iot of intensity.
Not a strong skater, though.
Nor the best puck handIer.
But, my God...
What a shot.
It that goaI reguIation size
or what?!
Number one...
...number fifty-two...number sixteen...
They saw my power.
They won't dog me this year.
...number nine...
...and number forty-three.
The rest of you...
...better Iuck next year.
Coach, what's going on?
What about me?
GiImore.
I caIIed your number,
didn't I?
No, you didn't.
WeII, better Iuck next year.
That wasn't very nice!
You think you're better
than me?!
Where you going?
I got Subway.
I aIready ate.
I knew the guy working there,
so we got extra meatbaIIs.
Great. I got to run.
Can you stay?
I had a rough day.
Bye.
-When wiII you be back?
-Never.
Terry, wait!
Wait! HoId on a second, babe.
You're not going for good,
are you?
You're going nowhere
and taking me with you.
AII you ever taIk about is being a pro
hockey pIayer, but you're not any good.
I am good! You know what?
You're a Iousy kindergarten teacher!
I saw the finger paintings
you bring home--they suck!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
They're exceIIent finger paintings.
PIease don't go.
I'm not spending the rest of my Iife
with a Ioser.
I'm gone.
Good! Get the heII out of my Iife!
Who needs you? Beat it!
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
I just yeII
'cause I get so scared.
Scared of being a nobody.
Why don't you come back
upstairs, honey?
I'II give you the oId smoochy-smoo
kissy-wissy.
You know Happy
wiII make everything okay.
I want to kiss you aII over
And over and again
I want to kiss you aII over
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"Happy Gilmore" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 29 Jan. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/happy_gilmore_9607>.
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