Goods Page #5

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I got to be honest with you,

have you noticed him saying

overtly sexual things to me?

- Touching me?

- I haven't.

That is disgusting.

But don't get me wrong,

I have an erection.

Babs?

Can I tell you a deep, dark secret

I ain't never told anyone before?

Baby, I really would rather you not.

I'm tired.

I'm 42 years old,

and I ain't never, ever

made love to a woman.

- You're a virgin?

- Hell, no.

No, I've been with hundreds of women,

maybe thousands.

I just ain't never really ever made love

to a woman.

You know, I've done three ways,

four ways,

mnage trois, mnage cinq, six.

I've 69ed, 89ed, 114ed.

Golden, diamond and platinum showers.

I like that.

I mean, I've ripped sh*t up.

Done all that.

But I ain't never, ever made love

to a woman.

You will, Jibby.

As long as we're being honest,

I've something I want to share with you.

I think I want to make love

to a 10-year-old boy.

What?

But he's in the body

of a 30-year-old man,

so who's to blame?

- You the adult.

- Right.

You'd be the one to blame.

Hey, Babs. Hey, Jibby.

Hey, Don,

there are three hot dancers over there.

I think they might be good for the sale.

Yeah, sign them up. Good energy,

make the customers happy.

Hey, guys,

get those food orders in quickly,

'cause in 25 minutes the kitchen

is rented out for a porno shoot.

- Are you disgusted? I am.

- Book the DJ.

You sure, Don?

I just thought after 'Querque...

Hey. 'Querque was 'Querque.

This is this.

It's time for all of us to move on,

all right?

And it starts with booking that DJ.

Where is he? I even wore my tight

underwear for the boner speech.

Just relax, honey. He's getting ready.

As for the underwear,

I think it was just an expression.

Look, I may be old-fashioned,

but the man says,

"Wear your boner pants,"

I wear my boner pants.

You can do this. You are a winner.

Don Ready has the heart of a champion.

I'm a f***ing stallion. I should be owned

by a goddamn Middle Eastern sheikh.

There's almost no doubt

you invented the phrase, "It's all good."

In the schoolyard, a Don Ready

is a euphemism for a hard-on.

All right, fellas,

everybody gather around.

Now, you all know the deal.

Over the next few days,

Don Ready and his team

will be overseeing sales.

Basically, they will be your boss

for the weekend.

Now, I trust them. And if you trust them,

together we will sell cars.

You were the first person to wear

a Von Dutch trucker hat.

- I really regret that.

- As well you should.

Look at my husband.

Looks like he's got a Don Ready.

Give me a minute.

I'm Babs Merrick.

I'm gonna tell you people a little story.

A story about a girl who grew up

in the worst part of the South Bronx.

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