Gangsterdam Page #4

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For you, Ruben,

the Anne Frank house.

And the flower market

to round it off nicely.

Know what?

Do your sh*t, we'll do ours.

We have a guide.

We do?

Yes! His name's Ulysse,

and he's gonna show us the sights.

So what's your guide

lined up for you?

He's one of those guides

that knows where it's at.

History, art, local knowledge, food,

he's got it all.

The Dutch Anthony Bourdain.

Exactly.

Thanks, Durex, and goodbye.

Ik rook niet.

Two lk rook niets.

Where you going?

Ik rook niet

means I don't smoke.

You ordered two nothings.

And tell him to join us.

This is ridiculous.

Come on.

You the 3rd wheel?

Cockblocking me?

Bigging you up.

You're an embarrassment.

What? I'm getting a mood going.

The loser-desperate-to-f*** mood!

The female's gotta come to the male.

I know that.

She blows me off, so what do I do?

I'll tell some stories

to show how fly we are,

the two of us.

She'll want in on our vibe.

Simple as that.

Yeah, not bad.

What kind of stories?

It's better you don't know.

Ruins the spontaneity.

Not bad. Spontaneity, like it!

You smoked before?

Sure, all the time.

At college, we smoke so much

they call us the Stoner Twins.

When we rock up, people yell,

Wow, it's the Stoner Twins!

And we're like, Yeah!

Yeah.

This reminds me of our trip to Spain.

Yeah, our trip to Spain.

- Which one?

- With the hookers.

No, not that one.

- Sure, the sick hooker!

- Zip it!

What's this about a sick hooker?

He never told you?

Nora, what you need to know is,

just before we left,

his grandmother died.

Shut the f*** up!

Too late.

Whaddya mean?

So, Ruben says to me,

I'm gonna pop my cherry on Granny's dime.

A kinda tribute.

Nasty!

- Quit while you're ahead.

- Let him talk!

I take him to the red-light district,

where I knew a great little place.

What? Nothing.

This dork picks

the whore with Delhi belly.

She puked her paella on his dick.

On his dick?

On his dick!

A**hole!

Don't throw sh*t at me!

F*** me!

Let's hear it!

Hey, blondie!

Who is that guy?

That's Ulysse.

Anthony Bourdain, he's not!

He has a dick bulge.

We have one in track pants.

He has one in jeans!

Absolutely, no sh*t!

I'm 5 mins late, Nora,

and it's going off.

Sorry, Ulysse. Apologies.

C'mon, let's bounce!

Grab your bikes.

Those aren't ours.

Don't bust my balls.

If you take them, they're yours.

Grab your bikes.

Like a caress!

I'm getting the perfect dose of breeze.

The speed-to-breeze ratio

is just ideal.

- Feel it?

- You are so blazed.

C'mon, all of you, do like me!

You feel it?

Amazing town, so many bikes.

Are we in Amsterdam or what?

Ruben...

Guide's weird, isn't he?

What's his rating on TripAdvisor?

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