Gangsterdam

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1

In life, when you're staring

down the barrel of a gun...

you have two options.

Always the same two options.

You step up...

or you f*ck up.

My name is Ruben Jablonski.

I'm 23 years old.

To put it objectively,

I'm not what you'd call cool.

We're all ears, Mr. Jablonski.

It's...

the Constitution...

that was...

established...

All I am right now...

is a law student

f*cking up his oral exam.

I panic.

I see myself panicking.

I panic about panicking.

I see myself flunking it.

So I flunk it!

Justice may be blind.

Unfortunately for you, not deaf.

Let's stop there, it's gruesome.

Same time, same place next year.

Perhaps you'll have something to say.

Perhaps.

Defense counsel's speech.

In other words,

the carrot that lures the ass forward.

It's what makes this worthwhile.

Becoming a counsel.

Counsel, from the Latin word...

Anybody?

Nobody.

That's right, yawn.

Repeating a year at college

is no cause for celebration.

But out of disaster

came something totally lit.

Excuse me, is this Hall H?

Yes, young man. Take a seat.

Young lady.

Remove your hat

to avoid confusion.

That day, Nora came into my life.

Excuse me...

Switch your phone to silent maybe?

You're jealous I'm not texting you?

- What's your name?

- Marc. Why?

Hey, Marc!

You ever got your ass kicked

by a chick in public?

- No.

- Never?

It's gotta be humiliating.

You're going?

- Yeah.

- Too bad.

Have a good day, Marc!

Better, right?

Yeah.

How's it going?

Supergood.

I'm repeating the year.

I know the classes,

like I'm a year ahead.

Sick.

You can help me out.

N0, yes!

Sure, my pleasure.

I'm Nora.

Ruben. Nice to meet you.

Let's get at it.

Wanna let go of my hand?

That's how Nora

became my Wednesday date.

She works hard,

she's sman', talented,

and nothing made me happier

than sitting next to her.

- Gotta go, sorry.

- Really?

We're not done with the Civil Code.

See you.

One whole year,

Nora and I had our study date.

I got my CitiCar card,

so I can give you a ride.

Like our own little subway.

Sorry, can't. See you, dude.

I never managed

to take it up a level.

She put a barrier between us.

The Friend Zone barrier.

I was thinking,

the weather's picking up,

so how about we go to Chinagora?

What's Chinagora?

Chinagora's a huge mall in Paris.

Think Dubai,

but shaped like a pagoda.

Guys escape from Alcatraz,

but the Friend Zone? No Way!

Chinagora?!

What's awesome

about the new Avengers

is Wasp Man's cameo at the end.

So say the blogs.

Poppin'.

Tell me all about it.

See you tomorrow.

Besides our weekly study date,

I knew nothing about Nora's life.

But I knew

I 'd do anything for her.

I'm dying

to thrust inside you.

Let me enter you,

and I'd rediscover my self-esteem.

C'mon, Nora,

let me flood your vagina.

C'mon, Nora!

Dude, quit talking

like you're inside my head.

You wish I was.

Straight up,

I do not want you in my head.

- I'd boost your productivity.

- Productivity, my ass!

That's Durex, living proof

you can trust first impressions.

Racist, sexist, homophobic,

anti-Semitic, and my BFF.

It's nuts! You Jews,

always playing the victims.

Dude, you'd make God

choose another people.

How is that relevant?

What? How is it relevant?

I'll show you how relevant it is.

Nothing shocks you about those eyes?

Green eyes, my only asset.

So what?

Those are women's eyes. Got it?

You have women's eyes.

A chick like Nora,

she's looking for violence.

No shit. She wants a badass

to smash her, rough her up.

Dude, you of all people

judging on appearance!

You're ginger!

You're f*cking ginger all over!

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