Funny Farm Page #3

And they lived to an average age of 29.

Come here.

Close your eyes

and try to get some sleep.

[ELIZABETH HUMMING]

[CRUNCHES]

[CRUNCHING]

[FLY BUZZING]

Hey.

[TRUCK APPROACHING]

They're here.

Be civil.

Well, it's about time!

Where the hell have you guys been?

Oh, man.

- You hear that?

- Didn't hear a thing.

ANDY:
I'll have somebody's ass for this!

- Perhaps you heard that.

- Nope.

- You're a day late, damn it!

We had to sleep on the floor last night!

Where the hell have you idiots been?

- Or that?

- I don't know what to say. I'm at a loss.

I have a contract. Says if you're late,

you get a rebate. Well, you guys are late.

And I want more than a rebate.

I want a goddamn refund!

Somebody answer me!

- We got lost.

- Lost?

How could you get lost?

I drew you a map!

Okay. That's more like it.

- Now we're getting somewhere.

- This one?

Good choice.

Follow me.

Okay, that goes in my writing room.

It's on the second floor,

last room on the left.

That is top-quality leather.

Watch it going up the stairs.

Also, we just had the floors done

so I don't want scratches and scrapes.

Just take it easy on the floors, okay?

Hey! Fella, hey!

Wait!

Stop!

You slept on the floor, huh?

We slept outside

with the bugs and the wild animals.

A bridge nearly killed us.

Nobody knows where the hell Redbud is.

And we haven't eaten since yesterday.

So stay the hell out of our way

and keep your mouth shut!

Sounds fair.

[WATER SQUISHES]

ELIZABETH:

How's it going?

Fine. Great.

ELIZABETH:

That's good.

Well, back to work.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

[WHISTLING]

Yeah.

[SNORING]

[THUDDING]

ELIZABETH:
Hey, Andy?

- What?

Come down here, Andy! Hurry!

[GRUNTING]

ELIZABETH:

Andy?

- Andy?

- What?

- I found the phone.

- Good.

Call the movers. I'm not spending

another night in this house.

- Why? What happened?

- There's a coffin in the garden.

- Operator.

ANDY:
Sheriff's office, please.

Yes, sir. I can connect you with the sheriff

if you will kindly deposit 20 cents.

- This isn't a pay phone.

- Please, sir.

Deposit 20 cents in the slot

and I'll complete your call as requested.

You don't understand. This is Mr. Farmer.

We just moved into the Musselman place.

You were supposed to install

a wall phone in the kitchen.

Please, sir, just drop a couple of dimes

in the slot...

...and I will happily complete your call

as requested.

What slot? There is no slot.

Haven't you been listening?

This is not a pay phone! This is a goddamn

1948 table model with a 12" cord...

...that some jackass put in my cabinet!

Disconnect. Vulgar and abusive language,

that's an automatic disconnect.

- Operator.

ANDY:
Yes, hello.

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