Father of the Year Page #4

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and, uh, there was a communal terror

that was roaming the streets.

The Flasher of Fitzpatrick Park.

Now, this guy would hide

on Old River Road, right?

And he would jump out of the bushes

and dingle his very,

very oversized scrotum

at any car that he thought

had a woman in it, okay?

Well, now let's just say,

he flashed the wrong Miata that day.

[Larry chuckles]

So, he thought you were a woman?

'Cause you were driving a Miata.

No. I mean, the body style of Miata

is not the most masculine,

but it's very unisex.

I think everybody can agree on that.

-So, I don't know why he got confused.

-[Krystal] Mmm.

We just told you.

Anyway, I pulled over.

I got out of my car

and I punched him straight in the nose.

Knocked him out for the ten count.

He was never to flash again.

Boom! See? So, you would win, right?

Well, I wasn't exactly saying that.

Come on, Mardy. I won't

get my feelings hurt, say it.

Well, yes, I would take him down. Hard.

Of course I'd kick his ass.

Who is his dad again?

Uh, Mardy. With a "D." Mardy.

-Mardy with a "D"? Okay, I'm scared.

-He lives in that white house on Maple.

It doesn't ring a bell,

but he sounds like a p*ssy.

Well, both him and Larry think he'd win.

I'm sorry?

No, don't make this a whole thing, please.

It's very interesting.

Who do you think would win in a fight?

Well, um, he's a lot bigger than you.

Uh, he'd be sober, which is a huge plus.

Um, I think it'd be close,

but I think you would win.

Close?

Yeah.

Ben, you don't think I can do anything,

do you?

What are you talking about?

I just said I think you would win.

-Well, you said it would be close.

-Yeah!

Have you gone mad?

Do you know how many fights I've been in?

I don't know, 1,000?

I've been in six.

Seven, if you count that little dust-up

I had at the used car lot last summer.

Are you talking about the time

you got knocked out

by that inflatable dancing thing?

I didn't know what that f***ing thing was,

but I stood my ground and we went at it.

Oh, my God.

Okay, take that away. Six solid fights.

Three and three.

Your record is three and three?

-That's good.

-All right. Good.

-Do you want me to fight him?

-No,

I do not want you

to fight my friend's dad.

You brought it up.

This seems important to you.

-It's not.

-It's a non-issue to me.

You think it'd be close.

I'll smack this guy around.

-No.

-I don't have to.

It's fine with me either way.

I'm not gonna let it ruin my day.

Okay. Good. Don't. Don't let it ruin it.

I gotta pick up some Postmates.

-These are for you. Enjoy the Q-tips.

-Yeah, have fun.

Mardy with a f***ing "D."

How about I knock him out with a "K," huh?

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