Epic Movie Page #2

- Oh, my name is Lucy.

What are you?

I'm a faun.

Half man, half goat.

- Oh, so you mean-

- Yeah. Dad screwed a goat.

These are my folks.

Oh!

- You have her goatee.

- Thanks.

- And you?

- Oh. No.

Both of my parents are human.

Eew. Gro-o-o-ss!

Aah- No. Yeah.

So, you are

a daughter of Eve, huh?

Uh-huh.

How rude of me.

Let me show you around.

Oh. Oh! Oh!

I- I-

Welcome to my faun crib.

Come on. Let's go.

Let's see what's in the fridge.

Ooh!

Always gotta have Cristal.

For when Diddy's in the house.

Yo, Diddy!

Say "What's up?" to the honeys.

Check out my plasma.

Say hello to my little friend!

Wanna play us?

Okay. Let's play.

Scarface is the sh*t!

I'm Tony Fauntana!

You mess with me,

you're messing with the best!

You ain't a true player unless

you got flat screens everywhere.

In the toilet,

when I'm taking a leak.

Say hello to my little friend!

Wanna play us?

Okay, let's play!

This is my favorite part.

Whew!

Under the couch for when

I'm looking for change.

Boo-yah!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ching!

On the top of her head

for when she, you know...

shines my hooves.

So now you all seen my crib.

So get the hell out!

Well, I really should

be getting back.

No, but you, um, must stay.

Oh, Mr. Tumnus,

I'll never forget you.

Please take this

to remember me by.

And I you.

I'm sorry.

Lucy...

you are in danger.

- What are you-

- You must go now.

Oh! What's wrong?

Take this.

It will explain everything.

Confirm identification.

My eyes! My-

Oh.

Well, that's better than LASIK.

The evil White B*tch who rules Gnarnia...

has ordered anyone

who finds a human to turn them in.

I brought you ba-a-a-ack

to my lair to betray you...

but I couldn't do it.

You are a true friend.

She has plunged our

once-peaceful land into eternal winter.

Under her two terms,

we now have...

wiretaps, no gay marriage...

not to mention her bumbling

of the hurricane relief effort.

And-And the White B*tch

doesn't care about black people.

There is a small

resistance movement.

They learned she's developing

a weapon of mass destruction...

that can kill all of us.

Wait, a real W.M.D.,

or, like, a fake Saddam one?

No, a real one.

That sounds bad.

Go now, before she finds you.

- But-

- There's no time to argue.

Go no-o-o-o-ow!

This message

will self-destruct in one second.

Wait-What?

Come out, come out,

wherever you are.

- Lucy?

- Who wants to play with Willy?

Lucy, move over.

I need someplace to hide.

Lucy. Lu-

Who lives here?

Liberace?

Aah!

This is a really big wardrobe.

What a MI LF.

Kneel before the queen!

You're a son of Adam.

A what?

No, I'm Edward.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

I-

- I was following Lucy into the wardrobe and-

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