Epic Movie

Synopsis: Four troubled orphans from four separate movie scenarios who are bound together in a wacky chocolate factory after receiving golden tickets to go on an 'epic adventure.' After they escape from the clutches of a very scary Willy Wonka they discover the magical world of 'Gnarnia' through an enchanted wardrobe. There they must seek the help of a randy lion, a hoard of mutants from the x academy, students of witchcraft and wizardry, funky swash-buckling pirates and a mischievous beaver to defeat the evil white bitch!
Genre: Adventure, Comedy
Production: 20th Century Fox
  2 wins & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
86 min

This is the story

of four orphans brought together by fate.

They didn't know it yet...

but there was something greater

in store for them-

something epic.

Meet our first orphan- Lucy.

She had been raised by

a kindly old museum curator.

- But alas...

- Ohh!

he was murdered.


Oh, please don't die.

Please don't die. You're all I have.

You're on my hand.

Oh, sorry.

It's a code.

But what is it?

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

The code! Please! Give me another clue!

I didn't read the book on tape.

Habeas corpus.

E pluribus unum.


Um, the code, please.

Your body is in the shape

of a letter. Is it the letter "D"?

Please! Please!

Um, that's an "A"!

It's "V"! "V"! Uh, "I"! "I"!

Um, "N"!

Uh- Um-

Um, "I"-

Oh! "C"! "C"!


"I"! "I."

Da-Da-Da- Da Vinci!


Oh, God. Oh.


"So lame the hair of Tom."

Wait. "Lame."

"Lame" is a-

"Lame" is a seven-letter word.

The code is seven!


Oh, thank-


Then there was

our next orphan, Edward.

He was living in a Mexican monastery

with all the other children.

I'm not eating that.

Be grateful, Eduardo.

Today I made something

especially scrumptious.






cheese flavored Doritos are delicious!


I'm sick of this!

I'm going to be

a lucha libre wrestler.

You think you are better

than the other orphans?

- Yes.

- Chanchito!

Come. Teach him a lesson

in humility.

You gotta be kidding me.

You like the flavor

of the beans going up your nose?

Just take his arm

and spin it around!

Chanchito, throw him off the table.


And stay out, cabrn!

Our next orphan, Susan...

was on her way to Namibia to

meet her new adoptive parents.

- Can I get you a cocktail?

- Just some water.


What can I get you to drink?

More juice, please.

I chose the wrong day to fly!

Enough is enough!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'

snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- So have I!

- Enough is enough!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'

snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- Right!

- I've had it...

with these motherfuckin' snakes

on this motherfuckin' plane!

Why do you keep saying that?

Because Internet bloggers

love it when I say...

I've had it with these motherfuckin'

snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

All right.

We get it already. Okay?

No, I don't think you do!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'

snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- Why are you yelling?

- Sh*t, b*tch, I'm always yellin'!

I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson!


- The designer understands these things.

- Darling, you look great.

I'm so hot.


And finally...

our last orphan, Peter.

He made his home among

the undesirables of society- the mutants.

But even there he was an outcast.

Hi, Mystique.

Hi, L.C.

Right, um, so, anyway,

I was wondering...

would you like to come

to the homecoming dance with me?

As if.

Nice hair, Rogue.

You talkin' to my girl...



- Fight. Fight. Fight.

- Fight! Fight!

What are you gonna do about it?

He's unleashing his powers!

He's gonna spread angel wings!

More like chicken wings!

Break it up.

Break it up.

You all know Peter is too much

of a p*ssy to stand up for himself.


And for these four orphans...

life would never be the same.



You must be Susan.

And you... are Peter.

And you're Edward.

And you-

You're Lucy.

I've been expecting you.

So, come on!


I love your legendary candy.

A chocolate river!


It's delicious!

It's so delicious!



That's, uh-

- That's actually the sewer line. Yeah.

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    "Epic Movie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 11 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/epic_movie_7704>.

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