Eight Days a Week Page #5

What about a little privacy?

oh, man. Light a match.

Sorry. Hey, where's your toothpaste?

oh, get out of here. People are gonna

think we're queer or something.

What the hell are you doing?

I started reading

The Joy of Sexuality...

...checked out the part

about cunnilingus.

Wanted to make sure I was in shape.

Cunnilingus.

Yo, you've been checking out

for my mail?

Nothing came yet.

Brought you some food.

- No, thanks.

- Come on, it's good.

Sorry about the noise, Peter,

but I'm putting locks on all the windows.

I don't want Erica pulling another stunt

like she did yesterday.

Man.

I wish you'd give this up, man.

Listen, I'm not so sure I believe

your theory about the a**hole gene.

oh, come on. Look.

I mean, it's everywhere you look.

- Hey, you want a taste?

- Yeah.

That's an isolated case.

All right.

What if I told you that even

our Founding Fathers were a**holes?

What are you talking about?

Take the Boston Tea Party,

for instance. All right?

Even with taxation...

...the British tea cost less

than the colonial tea...

...produced by those guys

like John Hancock and Sam Adams.

No, don't do it!

No!

See, the Boston Tea Party

wasn't a political act.

It was an industrial espionage.

It was a scam by John Hancock

and Sam Adams...

...to put the British out of business.

See?

Even our Founding Fathers

were a bunch of a**holes.

You've got a point.

But I've been thinking about this,

and I got a couple theories of my own.

Shoot.

Well, I think you can tell a lot

about a woman's personality...

...from the shape of her breasts.

What are you getting into right now?

- Take Mrs. Olsen, for instance.

- What have you done?

Her b*obs look like the turret on a tank.

Her mammaries look like they could shoot

a mortar charge, blow you to smithereens.

You can see she has the same

iron-fisted personality...

...that matches her hooters.

you have ever been in your life.

All right, you got a point.

Go on.

Now, take the crazy lady next door.

Now, don't give me the willies.

No, look.

She's got mashed-potato breasts.

Dude, they're so weird.

- Yeah. Right. And she's weird too.

- All right.

But, you know,

you're just giving me easy examples.

All right. Ms. Lewis.

Bosoms like melons that have

been in the store a little too long.

You may be taking a chance,

buying them after the expiration date...

...but if you're lucky,

they might still be good.

She's the same way.

She's a little older,

but I bet she's a good woman.

okay, now, what can you deduce

from Erica's breasts?

I've done a lot of thinking about this.

As you can see,

her breasts are extremely firm.

So taut, you expect the nipples

to blow off...

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