Eight Days a Week Page #4

She was cutting her grass.

It looked like there was something good

on TV over at my house...

...and I wanted to watch it.

But something got in the way.

So I watered the plants instead.

I figured I should take advantage

of the time I had on my hands.

I vowed that if I were

to become Erica's boyfriend...

...I had to become the greatest lover

she had ever known.

In pursuit of that goal, I decided

I would become an expert in love.

I started by reading The Joy of Sexuality.

It wasn't the descriptions of the wildly

uninhibited Chinese-style sex positions...

...like the

"wailing monkey clasping a tree"...

...or "wild geese flying

on their backs "...

...that I found most enlightening.

It was the guy they picked

to illustrate...

...all the exotic conjugations.

The guy is butt-ugly.

And the girl was a babe.

This was inspiring.

I mean, if this Quest for Fire reject

could get laid, why couldn't I?

oh, good, my parents aren't home

from church yet.

I'll meet you inside.

I'm gonna have a talk

with your friend Peter.

okay.

So you're still here, huh?

I would have thought you'd have

gotten smart and given up by now.

Why do guys always make that noise?

What noise?

This noise:

I mean, you guys spit so much.

Makes you wonder

what you've been sucking on.

Shut up.

oh, what a...

What a demonstrative display

of masculine aggression.

Did you know

that such behavior is a sign of...

...latent homosexuality?

I think it's time you left.

- I'm not leaving.

- You wanna fight?

I'll give you a free shot.

Go for it, my friend.

How could I refuse this invitation?

I was going to lose this fight...

...but at least I could get

one killer shot in.

So I charged the Prince of Darkness.

Then I realized my mistake.

It was a trick.

It felt like my nuts had exploded.

And it sounded like a pair of water

balloons dropped off a building.

That'll teach you, huh?

I took it as a good sign that Erica

was curious to see if I was still there.

It was important that Erica never see me

flag in my devotion by leaving my post.

But on the other hand, I didn't

wanna smell like my uncle Lou...

...when Erica finally buckled

under my romantic vigilance.

So I figured while she was

getting ready for the day...

...I'd pop inside for a quick shower

and some Cheerios.

What are you doing?

Changing the locks.

When you finally give up

this nonsense...

...I'll let you back inside.

Dad, give me a break.

Forget it.

Mom.

This was desperate.

No food. No water.

Nice.

And I really needed to do

some low-altitude bombing.

I had no choice but to impose

on my best friend, Matt.

Hey, Matt, open up!

I'm showering, man!

The side door's open!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes