Eight Days a Week

Synopsis: Peter loves his next door neighbour Erica and, on the advice of his grandfather, decides to camp out on her front lawn for the entire summer, or until she agrees to go out with him. His father is none too happy about the idea and refuses to let his son back in the house, even to get a change of clothes. Peter's friend, Matt, thinks Peter should give up on women (like he has) and just have sex with fruit, and have a total devotion to masterbation.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Michael Davis
Production: Underdog Productions
  3 wins.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min

This is more retarded than when I got

that gumball stuck up my nose.

Or the time I wanted to be

the first white Harlem Globetrotter.

And it's more embarrassing

than the time...

...my mom walked in on me while I was

trying to simulate vaginal friction...

...by rubbing my boner between

the mattress and box springs.

Why don't you go out and play.

It's such a beautiful day.

No, this tops it.

And it's all because of Erica.


It sounds so much like "erotica. "

And it's fitting:

She's a walking wet dream.

The kind of girl

whose mere glance at you...

...could get your pecker

to stand up and say, "Howdy. "

And not your normal,

run-of-the-mill erection.

We're talking the kind

that could be picked up on radar.

The kind you could hang a flag from.

And her breasts.

They must have tractor beams in them.

They pull my hands toward them

like the Death Star...

...dragging in the Millennium Falcon.

Come on, guys.

If I had breasts like that,

I could have ruled the world.

You are in love with her, no?

No, I'm not.

Then why are you sitting so funny?


Don't be ashamed.

A man is two people:

Himself and his penis.

A man always takes his friend

to the party...

...but of the two,

the friend is nicer...

...because he is more able

to show his feelings.

Does this Erica know

what you think about her?

She's got a boyfriend.

They are not lovers?

- I don't think so.

- That is good.

one pubic hair

between a man and a woman...

...can be stronger

than the Atlantic cable.

You're telling me.

What is your problem with the Bella?

She goes off to college on the East Coast

in three months.

Then you must declare

your love to her immediately.

- Are you crazy?

- You must.

- It is the only way.

- oh, no, no, no.

She'll think I'm a spaz.

Then you prefer to sit funny

the rest of your life?

Now, listen, ragazzo,

I will tell you a story.

It is about your great-great-grandfather...

...Giuseppe Luigi Bendini.

When he was a boy your age,

he was in love...

...with the most beautiful girl

in the village of Cascata.

But the Bella...

...she did not see anything

in Giuseppe.

So one day, Giuseppe,

an enterprising young boy...

...declared his love to her.

He said:

"I, Giuseppe Luigi Bendini,

love you...

...and to prove that I will

always be there for you...

...I will stand under your balcony

day and night without relent...

...until you fall in love with me. "

So Giuseppe...

...stood outside that balcony

day and night.

Night and day.

Until, finally, his love came

out to the balcony and cried:

"Giuseppe Luigi Bendini, I love you!"

So Giuseppe...

...climbed up to the balcony

and into her bed.

They made love so passionately...

...that the ground shook.

And villagers today still believe...

...that's what caused

the 1874 earthquake.

I can't do that.

You can, my friend.

Women are like breaking into a bank.

It takes nerve.

It takes daring.

Sometimes you need a little bit

of dynamite to blow the vault.

I don't know what it was.

Maybe all the benzoyl peroxide

in my zit cream had affected my brain.

Or maybe I had a strange fetish

for humiliation at the hands of a woman.

I figured this stemmed

from watching too many episodes...

...of Julie Newmar as the Catwoman

in all those Batman reruns.

But it seemed like an audacious idea.

I decided to try it.

Peter, that is so sweet.

I was beginning to think

this might work...

...when she said

the most dreaded two words...

...in the English language.

But, Peter, we're just friends.

"Just friends. "

The words hit me like screaming lead

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    "Eight Days a Week" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/eight_days_a_week_7506>.

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